the curse of the sex at the first date

A few weeks ago, I did a thing that only showed me how fucked up my life is. The decision I made had clearly its reasons but looking objectively at my life (from an external point) of view just tells me that things are not going too well...

From the beginning. You remember when I met the guy with whom I was supposed to take a nap but ended up having sex? It's here. That day, I had the business meeting during which I met a cute guy. We talked for a while and had some kind of connection. It was Saturday and I also met him that night in my city at a party. His name was K. We chatted a bit 2 days later on MSN. It told him that I lived in a fabulous neighborhood and you could see the ocean from my roof. And sunset as well. After a while we set the hour of our meeting. To watch sunset on the roof and drink coca cola from the wine glasses (he doesn't drink any alcohol). He came over, we saw the sunset and drank the cola. Then we sat in the living room. He was cold so I brought him a blanket. He covered himself and then invited me under the blanket. I didn't want to do that but eventually it happened. Then I suggested going to the room because there were people coming and going to the living room. I didn't plan to have sex. I was thinking about it though. I was wondering if we should do it. We had kind of connection. And I wanted to avoid the curse of the sex at the first date. I mean when you go to bed too early and basically it spoils everything later. But on the other hand... I was leaving in 2 months. He was local and didn't plan to go abroad any time soon. It simply had no future. So what was the point of risking that it might go too far? Risk of developing some feelings? I just decided to have sex... In order to curse it by having sex at the first date. And so it happened. He never called and neither did I. Some time ago we just had a shallow conversation on MSN and that was all.

Isn't it fucking weird? I decided to have sex in order to spoil the relation? To make it more trivial! To stop it from going further! It's so fucked up!

Yes, it is. But it's not gonna be like this anymore. I'm leaving this country in 1,5 month and going to live with my parents for the summer (it's gonna be a veeery dry summer - no rains or storms). Afterwards, I'm moving to Western Europe for another months (or years). However, I decided not to have so many one night stands (if any). It's funny because now I'm in a Muslim country where it's forbidden to be gay and I'm having this crazy life and soon I will be in the most liberal society in the world and I'm planning on finishing this kind of life. I've already taken some steps - removing sexdates from the field "interested in" on my gay profile on one of the dating websites. Now, I'm only interested in friendships and relationships. Seriously, I'm fed up with one night stands, or sex dates.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!