where is the love?

I have the symptoms of being heart-broken. I have not broken up with anyone within the past days. I just met a guy and kind of fell into him but then it turned out that nothing could work out from that... (I will give you details in the next posts). We're still in touch but nothing will happen. When it comes to me and A. we haven't talked to each other for I guess 2 weeks or something. This implies that there was no official break-up but of course the relationship has been dead for about 1 month so this case is definitely closed. For the past days, I've had two one-night-stands just to distract myself from the other guy but this is a definitely short-term solution and the distraction goes away pretty quickly.

Again, I feel a bit disappointed and lonely. This feeling will probably disappear in a few days but still it's a sad feeling.

Oh god! I'm just craving for a deep and mutual love as if in the Hollywood productions or love songs. I just want to know where Mr Right is and why he's not here with me and then do everything to be with him. To live together and never have this fucking long-distance-relationship that I more and more believe is too hard for me to maintain or simply I just don't feel happy enough in such case. Right now, I'm stuck here where guys think only of fun, random dating, sex and nothing serious. The hypocrisy here is sometimes unbelievable and so disgusting. There are few exceptions but they are very rare. The pool is just very small here. I got a job in Western Europe that I will start in September so I'm looking forward to moving there where guys might still be a bit complicated (as everywhere) but still without these fucking cultural differences and at least more willing to have something serious and without the influence of the family that just drives me nuts here. Again, I have the need for settling down, living in one country and finding someone right there without having the relationship doomed to the "unhappy end" by long-distance (which is the case for me with all the guys met within last year).

My Facebook status says that I have started believing that "love is not a losing game". My friends keep asking if it's the result of meeting someone or falling in love. Unfortunately, it's not. I just want to believe that I will meet Mr Right. And the more you believe in that and imagine that, the more likely it is to happen.

So what's left for me is only to believe!