indifference

My ex boyfriend (the one of my nationality) with whom I was for 4 ½ years and broke up a few weeks after I got here celebrated his 30th birthday yesterday. As you may guess it is a perfect opportunity to summarize what you (haven’t) achieved in your live so far.

Probably, he is happy with everything he has except the fact the we broke up (or maybe he doesn’t care because he may be with someone right now – who knows?). He must be happy for having a great family, living in the great apartment in a very nice city at the seaside (he had always dreamt about living close to the sea), being a very attractive man and having a great job. I would agree with everything except the last one. He would always say he was happy with his job but I think in fact he never was. He complained a lot but he never wanted to admit that he was not satisfied with his professional life. Or even if he did that it was always fault of someone else. Well, if judging that by my expectations I would want to die if I had such work life as his. Furthermore, he doesn’t speak any foreign language fluently and he traveled abroad only once in his life. That is something that I would miss in my life a lot (not having a great job, not speaking at least one foreign languages and not traveling).

I was actually thinking of sending him wishes but then I thought “for what reason should I do that?” Our last contact was very rough. He sent me some nasty messages insulting me and wishing me death. Most probably he would not reply for my message or would respond with something stupidly childish. Why should I try to be in touch with him? I have no more feelings. Either positive or negative. I’m totally indifferent. I don’t care if he is happy or sad although I treat him as every human being whom I wish everything what’s the best (it’s my default setting). I don’t love, I don’t hate. Let him live his life peacefully and happily. He’s out of my life. He’s not part of it. He’s N/A (not applicable). He’s just my ex and I even don’t know why I decided to be together 5 years ago and why we remained a couple for so long. I even haven’t learnt that much from that relationship. I’m so indifferent. It’s so great sometimes not to have any feelings. Just not to feel anything. You are so peaceful then and not disturbed by any too emotional and totally unnecessary things.

Contemplating being indifferent!