updates

Mr. Charm (the one met in Europe on the street) and me aren’t in touch almost at all. I was trying to speak with him on MSN a few times but apparently he was to busy to reply although once he told me he missed me and he had been thinking of me all the time. Hmmm … if I only had a proof of that. Right now, I don’t do anything to be closer to him. It’s time for his steps. If he really wants he will do something. He promised to visit me in April. If this doesn’t happen I will just end our relation by being indifferent. Maybe I should have never exchanged contacts with him and just leave it my memory as one of the most amazing events in my life. Meeting someone on the street and going through 45 minutes romance… we’ll see whether it evolves or not…

When it comes to A. (my ex) he left for Europe for 3 weeks. He called me when he was at the airport and asked me to drop him an email from time to time (his voice was almost shaking and he felt as if he extremely counted on us staying in touch). God! If not the wife & baby thing, everything would be perfect. But it’s never perfect and expecting that is too stupid. I actually wonder if I should really make a big deal of that. I know it sounds terrible but maybe he was just not sure what he wanted and a bit confused mostly because of family relations and cultural aspects. Maybe I just should work on him. Seriously, I am thinking of getting back together. I once asked him what he thought about our break-up and if he wanted to be together again. He rather avoided answering the question directly but I could easily read between lines that he did want that. What I like about him is that he is very good person, carrying and very positive. At least, I know that I am not into toxic people whom I can’t have (I was once afraid of that). And I can maintain and enjoy relationship that is not toxic. Score for me. Chances for finding someone increase.

It’s all so fucking complicated. God, bless the one who gave the possibility of having your Facebook status “it’s complicated”! It so perfectly reflects the reality. I only wish I could change it for “in a relationship with himself”. Being in a relationship with yourself is sometimes the most healthy thing ever.

We’ll see how it all will evolve. I don’t think about all the stuff that much recently. I am more into “go with the flow”/”come what may” than thinking, reflecting, wanting to know the future and planning which makes things much easier to bear. But on the other hand I should listen to Carrie telling me: "My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. Of course he died with no money and being single".

Whatever!!