we

So, here I am! Almost 3 weeks after I saw him for last time. I came back and all the ghosts of the past (my one night stands) started to gradually haunt me! I have no interest in them anymore! Not at all! I’m thinking how I can avoid them. I’m not using my gay msn or gay profiles anymore. I feel so happy that that period of being single is finally over! And I am so surprised that I’ve come up with such conclusions! When being with my ex boyfriend I was only thinking of being single. When I finally reached that state I was happy. And I’m even more happier not being single anymore! I surprise myself. I think I don’t know myself very much…

But, let’s focus on my relationship. One thing that is really great is that I feel we have really even contribution to the relationship and similar expectations. We have our lives, our friends, we don’t need to spend all the time together, we trust each other, we leave each other some freedom, we don’t want anyone between us, we don’t want open relationship, we love time spent together, we both care about our careers, we miss each other… there is a lot of other we’s. I must admit that the first feelings that I had for him when I realized I wanted something more were nothing special or new for me. I used to have it a couple of times with others. But… there was one significant difference. That time my mind, my common sense were telling me that that was the right person, that although distance you should try! My heart and my common sense agreed with each other! That was something special, that was something new! I couldn’t refuse! I didn’t want to do it!

However, I have to admit that it was not easy sometimes within last 3 weeks. E.g. last weekend I felt really bad. I didn’t have any message from him for 48 hours (then it turned out that one message was not delivered – fuck the mobile phone operators!!!) and I was quite pessimistic about the future. Of course nothing happened and it was just the matter of the mood which is quite better now. And I’m more optimistic about the future.

So dear readers, I finally managed to reach the presence. I’ve written about all the most important stories from my last month and from now on I will only write about my current thoughts and stories!

I give a lot of time to thinking about different stuff (maybe to much).
Be patient in waiting for them!