once upon a time...

All the stories that I’ve been writing about started in June and the last post (enjoying being single) describes the second half of July and first half of August. The time where I had a lot of one night stands with people who I even didn't speak English. We used other language to communicate. The language that is understood worldwide. So there was me with all these guys, me enjoying being single and saying to myself that I don't need relationship, I don't need anyone by my side (except friends and family)... That was the plan.

A few months ago I knew that I would go abroad for an international conference for almost two weeks in the second half of August. I was very excited about this opportunity. Not important why. So, when I was having the time of my life during one party at that conference (internal party for conference participants only), I saw a guy staring at me. He was not my type but seemed nice. I'm usually quite brave in such situations so I stood next to him. He was speaking with my friend so I waited a while until they finished. When they did we were both standing in a short distance from each other. But one could feel the tension. Then we started talking (it was so obvious that eventually we’d start doing that). Almost whole night. Then the next day during the breaks, another parties and so on and on… In the meantime we figured out that we were both gays. None of us was surprised admitting that. We felt it before. It was really nice.

Then I realized he wanted more. As he said he wanted closer physical and psychological contact. It was too much for me. He was so cool but I did not want any relationship. Especially a distance one since he was from Western Europe and I am from Eastern Europe currently living in Northern Africa. With no hesitation I said “NO, but we can be friends!” We were still enjoying time spent together.

A few nights later, I decided to have a sex date with my other friend. We actually had sex before at the very beginning of the conference however it was so bad! It is always like this when people in bed have different expectations what to do. It was really bad but I decided to give him another chance. And I started to think… “What would my new friend from Western Europe think after I have sex with this another guy. But hold on… I’m single! I don’t need to care about what others think since I don’t have a boyfriend!” I went for the sex date with a lot of doubts though. Eventually nothing happened. I realized I didn’t want to hurt him! I realized he was not indifferent to me! I realized I also wanted a close physical and psychological contact! Next day, I decided to tell him this. He was confused but I felt he was happy. We were still spending a lot of time – or maybe even more. Last night of the conference we spent the night together. Literally together – sleeping in one bed. Just sleeping! Nothing happened! It was so amazing. As one of my friends told me – it becomes totally different, something completely else when you start a relation from talking and not from having sex! Indeed it was!

And we decided to try to be together. Although, we both live in different countries, although we are both really busy, although there are no perspectives for living in one country in the near future… And this is not an open relationship. No sex with others!

So now, you will not have a chance to read about my sexual stories anymore! There will be no more them! Now, prepare for reading about my happiness when I’m enjoying being in love or my pain when I miss him!