my ex

but let’s start from the beginning…

when i left my home country and went to north africa i didn’t expect these things at all! at that time i had been involved in a relationship that started in 2003. it was almost 4 years. it seems quite a lot and indeed it was. but the last year was quite weird. endless arguments, being tired of each other and even fights! however, when i left my country and went to north africa we promised each other that we would go through it and the distance would not affect our relationship. it wasn’t that easy. on-line discussions and arguments started. i was sick of this and i didn’t feel like talking, chatting and being in touch at all – it was too tiring for me. then i decided to break up. actually, it wasn’t the first time. i had been trying to do it at least 10 times for the several past years. without result. the last time was successful. i achieved my result. it was hard. you’re very used to a person after such a long time even if your feelings are not the same anymore. this makes breaking up really hard. for him it was disaster. he was too attached too me and i didn’t feel with this comfortable either. i’m not the person who enjoys hurting others. but i had a choice. either i would stay in this relationship (without true feelings which for me is not honest for the second person) or i would break up and make both sides suffer very much but for limited time. i chose the long term solution – breaking up. and indeed for me it was hard at the beginning but later it was ok – i realized that the love was gone. for him it was not that easy. he still didn’t want to understand that things were over. i became subject of his hate – including swearing and wishing my death. this kind of end only assured me that it was a good decision.

when it comes to person to be blamed for breaking up i hope you guessed that it was mostly my fault. i didn’t make to many efforts to make it going on and i guess i stopped loving him. throughout the last months i wasn’t willing to be involved in relationship and i didn’t spend too much time with him. the conclusion is simple. i’m not a good person for a relationship. it’s better for me to be alone. people usually say that “no! you will find your second half” but to be honest i think i don’t care. being alone is not something that makes me feel bad. i like it. and i think i value friendship more than relationship. that’s why for now i think it’s better for me to stay alone. we’ll see what future will bring.