Everyone has to do Asia

My South-East Asian encounter was a totally new experience for me. A nice date, great dinner, total blissfulness in a park, great sex. All of that with someone much younger, much slimmer and Asian. I could not believe what I was living. I was breaking all of my patterns. But it felt amazing. It felt rejuvenating. It was very fresh. I immediately had to tell everything to my friends. I gave them a detailed report of the whole weekend. I added that I could not understand how it was possible for me to break my pattern and start dating an Asian. I have many Asian friends but I was never attracted to Asian men. One of them said 'Oh dear! There you go. Welcome to Asia! Every guy, no matter if straight or gay, has a crush on Asian men or women. It just has to happen at some point. It is inevitable. I have been there. It has happened to me. It is not that strong anymore though. I guess I am done. But you should enjoy it!' I realized it was the beginning of an Asian season. Felt like a rainy season. A wet season of monsoons.

I also remember the conversation with my good Asian friend over a dinner: 'I have to tell you something.' I said. 'I hooked up with someone. He is...' I was not ready to finish the sentence yet. 'I don't know what's going on with me! I wasn't expecting that to happen to me at all' I was exclaiming. The impatience on my friend's face was mounting and I could see that he was waiting for me to finally confess my secret. There was a little hint of confusion on his face. I decided to be a man and break the news. 'Ok, I am just going to say it to you...' Last moment of hesitation elapsed. 'I hooked up with an Asian guy, he is very slim and 4 years younger. I don't know what happened to me?! I thought I wasn't interested in Asians.' He did not say anything at first but then simply burst out laughing at me. It was funny but I did feel a little bit embarrassed.

So yes, I was in Asia. Another continent I have discovered. And to be honest, I was enjoying that new exploration. Two days after our memorable night of listening to Tchaikovsky, we decided to go to a cinema. I am in my late twenties now but somehow I realized that it would be my first date in a cinema. I confessed that observation to a friend while being filled with fresh joy and excitement, promising that there would be some kissing and making out in the cinema just as if I was a teenager. I thought I deserved that since I had never experienced that before. We went to see the movie. Then, we had a dinner a few days later. We also had one more dinner followed by spending night at his place. One Saturday night, we went out the gay neighborhood with some friends of mine and we had a lot of fun too.

It was a very pleasant, drama-free and joyful dating. I have to admit that some feelings started developing in me but I guess I was aware that nothing could evolve of that relationship. I was going to leave the Southern Hemisphere less than a month later and I had no intention in changing my plans. I noticed that he had started having some feelings for me too. Surprisingly to myself, I would always say to him 'Let's not think about the future and the fact that I will be leaving in a few weeks. Let's just enjoy the presence and the time we spend together now.' He would always agree with me.

But the drama caught up with us after almost 2 weeks of blissful dating. First, he cancelled one of our evenings. I was going to meet up with him for a dinner and then we were to spend a night at his place. He texted me in the evening, just before our meeting saying that a friend of his had called him and asked to join them for a volleyball game. My date was a regular player so he would not miss such an opportunity. I was a bit disappointed but I quickly made some other plans for that night and spent a very nice evening with someone else. Just a dinner to be exact in case you are curious.

There was another drama situation 2 days later. It was my farewell party (around 2 weeks before my scheduled departure) and my date was my plus one. After the party, we were supposed to go to his place and spend a night together. We left the place around midnight and I could see that something was wrong. It turned out that his friend had sent him a message asking him to host him for a few days because he had had a fight with his room mate. The friend was already in my date's bed and my date was quite confused. He didn't seem to want to refuse that request. I asked whether his unexpected guest could sleep on the floor. It wasn't an option - no mattresses. 'Maybe he could spend a night on the couch in the living room' I suggested. It was not an option either - his flat mate would be bothered in the morning in case he wanted to do something in his own living room. 'Well, we can always go to my place!' I gave another option. But that did not seem as a good idea to him either. 'Your bed is too small!' I was tired of all that. 'Well, I can go to my place and you can go to yours. That's totally fine.' I suggested. 'I don't want to upset you and I don't know what to do!' His behavior and indecisiveness did upset me. I was annoyed and pissed off. 'Listen!' I started 'We are not a couple. You can meet up with your friends whenever you want. You can have sex with whomever you want. We're just having fun. No strings attached. But if we make plans I'd appreciate if we could stick to them.' He did not seem to be angry but rather sad about the whole situation. He felt I was right and maybe that is why he decided to finally go to my place. Eventually, I don't think it was a good idea. He seemed unhappy or stressed. It was after midnight and we fell asleep immediately. No sex and hardly any kissing. He was not comfortable. What was even more disturbing was that he left my place on a Sunday morning at around 7 AM. I was too sleepy to get upset and I just cursed him in my mind and went back to sleeping. I wasn't thinking about him too much on that day.

The next day, I received a text message asking how I was doing and also mentioning that he felt very messy in his head on that day. In the sms's that followed, I learned that he liked me a lot but he figured out enigmatically that friendship would be more strong and long-lasting than any other kind of relations between us. I agreed and again, I did not give it a lot of thought at that time.

On the following day, I started analyzing the whole situation and I figured it would be wiser to discuss it with him over a dinner. I sent him a message asking him out on that night. A few minutes later, I received a seemingly vague response with a very clear message between the lines. I read 'Sorry. I am playing with my buddies. I will see you some time soon when I am free.' Well, I know that line. I used that line. I wrote that line! I immediately understood that this guy was just not that into me anymore. I decided not to react in a dramatic way and I replied something calm - 'Yes, sure. Have fun tonight and see you soon.' But then I decided to release my anger on Facebook and post some enigmatic update where between lines I bashed myself for damaging the relationship with myself by cheating on myself with someone else. I published that in French so that my ex-Asian date could not understand. But I under-estimated him. He realized that something was wrong and that it related to him. He quickly initiated a Skype conversation to clear the mist between us. He did not blame me for anything that had happened between us. The drama of preceding Saturday night did not contribute either. After a few moments of hesitation (the same kind of hesitation I performed while announcing to my Asian friend that I was dating an Asian person), he finally confessed that he felt very attracted to my personality but he did not fancy me physically. Well, I never wrote that line. Neither did I hear or read it! It was new to me. He confirmed it did not happen because of sex between us or because of anything that could be attributable to me doing something wrong or neglecting to do it. 'I am just attracted to guys like my European ex. I think I am still in his shadow.' I was quite puzzled and speechless at the same time. I was not quite sure what to say. I thought that maybe his excuse was a lie and maybe he got scared when he realized that he had started having some serious feelings for me. After analyzing that self-indulgent thought I said to myself there was no point in figuring out why our short-lived dating period was over. We decided to remain friends and keep in touch. After all, he was a nice, smart and good guy.

My trip to Asia was over. But as after any exciting voyage, I had a great souvenir - my memories.