'yesterday never dies'

The past is back with its old temptations!

I have reestablished contact with one of my fuck buddies from Northern Africa. He is the one with whom I met more than once (or twice) and to whom, after that first time, I decided not to say goodbye in order not to lose a great opportunity of an amazing fuck. The sex was simply mind-blowing. If you want to remind of him just read how seductive and luxurious my life was.

To quickly bring you back the memories I will summarize the story. He was the guy that once randomly added me on Facebook. Then, another time visiting his city I decided to have a coffee with him. We ended up in his bedroom having great sex and then partying together. I would meet up with him every now and then mostly to have the opportunity of a great night.

(Un)fortunately, our relation ended just a few weeks before I left the country. He kicked me out of his bed when another guy knocked at the door at 5 AM. It was a humiliating story.

Some weeks later he removed me from Facebook and since I knew James it did not even matter to me. I forgot about the guy. Until a few days ago when he re-added me on Facebook. I ignored his request but he did that again. I ignored him again only to receive a message that he did not understand me not accepting him. I explained that I did not like the fact he had first removed me and then wanted to be friends again. His reply was very cheap and tacky. He said it had been his stupid cousin who had been playing with his Facebook account. I guess I am more stupid because instead of ignoring him I confirmed our friendship.

He wanted to hear all the news from me. So I told him where I lived and that I was together with James. He said he had moved to study to the country in the Alps (the same city I will visit in three weeks…) and he was still with his boyfriend (the same guy he was with when we had our ‘affair’). He also seemed very excited about coming to see me when he asked whether my new room / flat was as small as the one in the Northern Africa. That was too much. I decided to be honest. I told him ‘I wish I could let you stay at my place but I don’t think it's possible. You are too sexy and hot and we could do something that I would later regret and it can't happen as I'm totally faithful to my boyfriend’. I saw his photos from Maldives beaches where he looked amazingly hot and sexy. We kept exchanging emails. I am sure nothing will ever happen between the two of us. I do not even think I will ever see him again.

But why are these memories back? The memories of great sex… the memories or carefree nights (the sex was safe!)… the memories of amazing orgasms and a lot of fun. It is all part of my past and it will always remain there. Why do I need that if I have a great boyfriend who loves me and great sex he gives me? What is it exactly that I do not have and that I miss? Why is it connected with the Facebook guy?

Unfortunately, I am usually very nostalgic about my past. About most of the aspects of my past, including being able to have this kind of stories.

save the drama for your mama

It has been a bit difficult to be in touch with James recently. I started my evening language classes twice a week and on the other days I go out quite often. And so does he.  We usually skype very late when we are both tired. 

On Monday, I was having a break between my language class when by total chance I met an old friend and decided to have a drink with her. In the meantime James texted me and asked whether I would be home anytime soon. I replied that I would be a bit later than expected. He said he would see his friend who had just broken up with his girlfriend because he obviously did not really seem to be doing well. So we both decided to skype a bit later than initially planned. I came back home but he was not there yet. Then I fell asleep and read a message in the morning. James was apologizing but he stayed over his friend much longer than he had thought. I was a bit upset and annoyed but did not send him anything. We spoke the day after and although I admitted having been annoyed a bit when he asked me about that, none of us actually cared about that.

I suspected another big drama last night. I went out with two friends of mine for an exhibition of 'attainable art' as it was called. We had a good time but at some point one of my friends annoyed me with her behavior and somehow I was not in a good mood anymore. James texted me when we were about to go home and I replied that I would call him on skype very soon. Unfortunately, it took me more than an hour to drive my friends to their places. Then I rushed home and tried to call him on skype. He was not answering. I tried on his mobile. Once with no reply. The second time he rejected. The third time as well. 'Oh yeah? You are mad at me because I did not go back home on time? Fine!' I thought to myself and violently threw my mobile on the other side of bed. I texted him 'could you answer my call, please?' I called again and this time I got him. The reason for rejecting or not answering was that... he was sleeping and when I woke him up he just pressed the red button instead of the green one. By chance as he was very sleepy. He said 'why would you think I would not answer your call? I am not the 'easily-getting-offended' type of a guy'.

And I am a drama queen.

I will not however save the drama for my mama. Because my mama would not be able to put up with the huge amount of the drama that her son keeps creating...

'the straight guy who saved me'

Some weeks ago, my friends and I went out to our favorite spot – ‘Kingston’. If you want to spend a great Thursday evening and night you should definitely be there. Whenever you enjoy yourself there you will always be accompanied by your old friends with a high chance possibility of make new ones. So it was an ordinarily great night in Kingston with the same fabulous crew. One of the frequent party-goers who never misses Kingston – R. (male) introduced me to his fabulous straight guy-friend (W.). Some other people and we were having great time together.

In the meantime another guy (S.) that I had seen a few times came up to me and we talked for a while. It turned out his company had organized a party for the employees and it was just taking place upstairs. He disappeared only to show up again a while later and he introduced me to his work-mate who was obviously gay (I guess my gay radar gets better). The gay guy (he confirmed that pretty soon) was nice. Unfortunately for him and many other people, he got really drunk later. He started hitting on me. Having realized he would not achieve anything he started dancing with my girl-friend W. and she later told me he had confessed her that he would fall for her if he was straight. Surprisingly (or not?), it did not flatter her. For the rest of the night he remained drunk and whenever I was near to him he would say (rather scream) to me things like ‘oh my God. I am normally not that drunk. I am so sorry. Will you forgive me? I am so pathetic.’ or ‘I like you so much but I know you have a boyfriend so I will not do anything because I respect you.’ or ‘I think I am falling in love with you.’ or ‘oh don’t look at me. I am so short and fat. But believe me! I used to be slimmer but it’s just recently that I gained weight.’ Apparently they guy had a problem with low self-esteem and was not able to express it in a decent manner (or simply keep it for himself). Not to be in a weird and uncomfortable situation while dancing next to him, I was lucky to have my two fabulous straight guy-friends close to me and I immediately ran away to dance with them. It was a great feeling to do that. No unnecessary sexual tensions and great, spontaneous, unpretentious fun.

Last night, S. was in Kingston again. We spoke and he told me about the gay-guy. He was apparently telling everyone he had fallen in love with me. It was only then when I realized that it was truth. On Facebook, I saw that (yes, I added the gay-guy… I did not know why I had done that but now I guess it had been out of pure sympathy) he started dating someone and changed his status. This triggered some random comments from his friends. One of his friends wrote my name (misspelled!). I have commented it that too… just to correct my name.

Why are gay people I usually meet so unattractive (and I do not mean physically) or bizarre? Actually it might be better for me – fewer temptation for me…

'for single friends' eyes only'

One of many things I appreciate James for is his sense of humor. He knows about this blog and reads it from time to time. Once I mentioned him that I had updated my other blog but I had not written anything on this one. And he replied 'so once you are in a relationship with me now then sex and the medina will suffer from no stories as you cannot have any adventures with boys now so you will not write a lot' and he laughed. The only word I said was 'well...' but I did not know how to finish the sentence. My sexual life has become very stable now. Not a good material for this blog.

So, as I do not get into cabs and pass the Eiffel Tower and then I do not walk around the neighborhoods of my newly met sex dates at night in order to buy condoms, as I do not make out on the bridges above the river in the city of lovers near Notre Dame, as I do not hook up with random guys near mosques while waiting for other guys who blow me off (please, don't confuse blowing off with blowjobs), as I do not have eye connection with some strangers on the streets of a capital of a Southern European country and I do not get into their cars, as I do not call my fuck buddies at 1 AM because I am horny - as I do not happen to do these seemingly exciting things and considering the fact that I do not want the readers of this blog to flow away I will provide you with some silly but hilarious stories of my single friends (God bless single friends!).

One of my friends - W. who happened to live with me in Northern Africa and who happens to live with me here goes out with me almost all the time. We have our favorite expats' hot spot called 'Kingston' and we are there every Thursday. It is classy, fun and fabulous. While we were there W. got lucky to attract the guy playing saxophone. Maybe he was not the cutest guy on earth but he played sax. And as it later turned out he was a mix of three different nationalities and I guess I do not have to stress how much I like it (and so does she now after hanging out way too much with me). So while she was making out with him I sent her a message 'he is playing sax. don't refuse ANYTHING!'. But the things with them did not go further and somehow she ended up with another guy. She could not remember his name so she would call him 'Leen' (that's how she understood his name in a loud night club) or more often 'horny guy' (guess why). She spent rest of the night in Kingston with him. The next Thursday in our hot spot she met up with a Spanish guy and made out with him on the dance floor. I texted her 'I like him. Go for it!' to approve her choice and praise her good taste. She also stayed with him until the end of the party but didn't take him home.

Last Thursday when we met up before the party she looked terrified. On the way from the metro station to Kingston passing the Justice Palace and a promenade overlooking the city she admitted she had received two text messages on that day. One of which was from the horny guy and the other from the Spanish guy. Both were saying the same - that they would be delighted to see her in Kingston that night. She panicked. Probably, the sax guy would be there too meaning three guys she made out with - and at least two of them hoping for more. Over the course of the night she managed to make them not to come using weak but efficient excuses like 'oh sorry, I'm too tired today. Let's just call it a night' or 'I do not feel like partying tonight. It is just going to be me, a glass of wine and a film'. So we enjoyed the night together dancing and having fun with our friends. 

The relation with both of them somehow continued. 

The Spanish guy became very romantic. Another time, he took her out for a dinner and brought her to his spotlessly clean apartment. She got terrified again. What guy would keep his apartment that clean? It looked like a hospital or museum. Is he normal? What would he think if he saw my dirty room? Nevertheless, he was a gentleman and she couldn't reject him because of the clean flat, could she? He also brought her a cock (the animal of course - a small souvenir) from his trip to Northern Portugal. During one of the dates he said 'I might be falling in love with you'. That was too much. And this way he spoiled it saying something stupid like 'I love you'... Too clean flat, a cock and I love you? Too much. It had no future. The relation slowed down and invisibly finished. Then she just saw him dancing in a nightclub with some other girl a few weeks later...

Leen was also 'taken into consideration' a few times. He was the hilarious/pathetic clumsy type of a guy. Sometimes it was funny, sometimes it was better to cover your eyes with your hands or simply look away. He was lucky to be invited 'upstairs' which was good for both of them. I was already worried W. could get revirginized so I appreciated her interactions with horny Leen. No significant connection though so it never evolved further. It could not have been love so it's over now.

Show must go on. Fun must go on. Games must go on.

Although I would never trade the relationship with James to anything/anyone else I have to sincerely admit I sometimes miss those carefree stories - you never know where you will wake up or whether you pass the Eiffel Tower at night.

Luckily, we have memories. And single friends.

'octo-PUSSY'

A few days ago, I spoke on Facebook with my North African ex. He is in a relationship now. His boyfriend lives and studies in his city but is originally from another North African country. Unfortunately, they will have to switch to long-distance relationship soon. His boyfriend is moving back to his country and my ex will start his masters in Europe. I asked the standard question I always ask in such situations - what will happen with your relationship now? The answer I got was 'we don't know, we don't speak about it now and do not intend to do so, our relation will inevitably change but we will definitely stay in touch...'. 

'Is that all there is?' I thought. Isn't there any desire and willingness to fight for it? I know it is often about families and the society but don't they have guts to challenge themselves and try to make it work? And if there is no will then why are they together? What is the point of such a relationship? Fun? The feeling or having someone even if it is only for a limited period of time? What feelings do they have towards each other? I really cannot understand it...

The conversation continued but suddenly it was interrupted... My ex said 'listen I am having a terrible diarrhoea. I don't know if I will make it to the toilet'

There was no way we could continue the conversation. All the topics literally floated away with the liquid #2.

It is so good I am only friends with him now.

'all I want for Christmas is you' - part deux

James has just left today - back to his city on the border between Europe and Asia. He had been here with me for nine amazing days. 

I guess it was the best days we had spent together since we started our relationship. The fact that none of us had holidays helped a lot.

He arrived on the 23rd. The night before, I called him and he terrified me saying he had just got an email saying his flight had been cancelled. I freaked out. He calmly said not to worry and the next day I got another message saying he should be in my city before noon which was earlier than he was supposed to arrive. It calmed me but I was still uncertain whether I would spend this Christmas with him or by myself. The next day knowing that he would arrive during my working hours and being aware that I could not leave the office because of a training I informed the ladies at the reception that I would have a guest arriving. To my happiness I got a call from them saying that my guest had just arrived. It was great to see him. I took him to a café at my office and returned to the training. During the lunch break I drove him home. Then I came back to the office and was counting minutes to the end of the working day. The next day we had the Christmas Eve dinner. At the beginning I realized that it would be my first Christmas dinner without the 'big family' atmosphere. Just me and another person. He felt sort of weird too. It freaked me out but after a great food together, exchange of presents and most of all the fact of spending this magic time with my boyfriend I understood how amazing that evening was.

The rest of our time together was incredible too. Visiting the nice cities around the country, meeting up with some friends and making new ones, sleeping till noon, watching movies, having great sex etc Another thing was the trip to Paris. It was very sweet but also cliché. The whole city is very cliché so why couldn't we be this way too? It was wonderful. We saw the Eiffer Tower, Montmartre, Champs Elysées and all the other must-see places. We walked along the Seine hand in hand and kissed on the bridges over the river. Life is a movie, isn't it?

We had a lot of fun, some serious conversation on the future but also some small dramas and annoying moments. All I know is that I don't want him for Christmas only. I also want him for the rest of the year. And the coming years too.

'all I want for Christmas is you'

It is just going fabulous. No other way to describe it is needed. 

Yesterday, I was driving my car and the radio was on while playing 'passer Noël ensemble' which means 'to spend Christmas together'. And that is what will happen in two-week-time. I am going to spend Christmas time and New Year's Eve with James Bond. We have been together for six months and we will spend our first Christmas together.

If I complain about anything in this relationship please, slap me hard. Until I understand how lucky I got to be.