Wednesday, July 2, 2008
how I met James Bond
St Valentine's day this year
My friend invites all her friends over to have couple of drinks before going to dance in a nightclub. I am there and he is there. To be honest I barely remember him. He sits far from me and talks to someone else. I remember his face but not really talking to him.
End of February
It might seem a bit unusual but we both are chosen to be extras in a Hollywood production shot in the neighboring city. We meet at the costumes fitting. He says he rememberes me. And for me his face is familiar too. We both figure out that we saw each other at our friend's place about two weeks earlier.
Beginning of March
The movie filming goes on. I keep seeing him a lot of times and we once sit together on the bus driving us for the movie filming and he tells me some stories about his home city. I figure out that we are neighbors living in the same area of the city. It is then when his friend calls him James Bond. She soon becomes one of my best friends.
March, April, May
We often end up at the same crazy parties thrown by internationals living in our city. The expats community is pretty small and everyone knows everyone. People are awesome despite age or material or marital status. Me and him do not go out together but rather meet each other at these parties. I give him the address of this blog and I know he follows it. He once invites me for a small drink with his friends at his place.
16-23 June
My last week there.
Monday evening. I decide to cook something for 4 of my girlfriends. I am pretty stressed because it is the first time I actually cook for so many people. I am also tired after the long day. The food is delicious and everyone enjoys it. I am relieved. One of them proposes to go out to our favorite bar/restaurant with live music. No one really wants. I hesitate. I tell her to drive me back home. On the way there, I change my mind. I sit at the table with the friends of my friend. I am still tired and kind of cannot catch the connection with people. I am a bit bored. Then I see James Bond coming and I think that at least I can talk to him and say good bye before I leave the country the next week. We start talking and drinking. And talking and drinking. About love, sex, life, relationships etc. Usual SATM conversations. Then I asked him if he ever had sex with a guy. He does not feel comfortable but he admits that he did. I think that he is a straight guy who was just curious to taste a man. That's ok. My gay radar sucks as you can see. Then he says he wants to finish the party but not necessarily finish the night. He gives me that look. I know what is going on. We go to his place. A fabulous night. Then we have a breakfast on the beach. We talk a lot. I spend with him my last 7 days and 7 nights. We go out together and introduce each other our friends. During the last days, we start talking about us. And then we decide to be together. Despite the distance that will soon part us. We are in touch everyday. We wil see each other in September. And then more times later. When we see it is working out we will try to find a common country to live in. Doesn't really matter for me where...
I am so happy!
I am negative
On Monday, I went to take the HIV test. Luckily, I didn't have to wait for the result too long. It was only on the next day. It is negative. I'm so relieved.
It was a nightmare to wait for the result. I was freaking out. I was most of the times pretty careful but I can't say I was super careful. The doctor conducting the survey before taking the blood told me that I was in the high-risk group. Because oral sex without condoms. She said it was a mistake to think that you can't get HIV like this. It's also dangerous and it's better to give/receive a blowjob with a condom.
It was such a relief to hear that the result was negative.
Now, I know I will be more careful.
There are 3 ways to protect yourself from getting HIV:
-stopping having sex,
-being faithful to one partner,
-protecting yourself with a condom.
I have already chosen. It's the second one.
It was a nightmare to wait for the result. I was freaking out. I was most of the times pretty careful but I can't say I was super careful. The doctor conducting the survey before taking the blood told me that I was in the high-risk group. Because oral sex without condoms. She said it was a mistake to think that you can't get HIV like this. It's also dangerous and it's better to give/receive a blowjob with a condom.
It was such a relief to hear that the result was negative.
Now, I know I will be more careful.
There are 3 ways to protect yourself from getting HIV:
-stopping having sex,
-being faithful to one partner,
-protecting yourself with a condom.
I have already chosen. It's the second one.
no more medina... no more sex
I left the North Africa last week. It was painful to say good bye to the places but especially to the people. There will be no medina anymore.
I thought that coming back to my country would mean having a very "dry" sexual life (meaning no sex at all). That's actually the truth. I have and will have no sex here. But it's not because of the place where I am. It's because of someone I met during my last week there. Someone special. Someone that will have a huge impact on the content of this blog.
I will soon explain you how I met James Bond.
I thought that coming back to my country would mean having a very "dry" sexual life (meaning no sex at all). That's actually the truth. I have and will have no sex here. But it's not because of the place where I am. It's because of someone I met during my last week there. Someone special. Someone that will have a huge impact on the content of this blog.
I will soon explain you how I met James Bond.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
sex and another city
On the second week of June I went to Paris. I decided not to visit a single museum or take any photos. I just wanted to hang around, see my friends and drink. I didn't look like a tourist at all. I was asked for the directions twice when I was alone and twice when I was with my friend who lived in Paris for a few years (and was never asked for directions before). That was fun. I hate looking like a tourist. I love looking like a local but at the same time being aware that I am not. It's cool.
I had a lot of fun there. If you know what I mean.
On the second day after my arrival I went to the gay neighborhood to check the places. I wrote down some of them found on line. It wasn't difficult to find them. It was easy to spot them seeing many cuties sitting there. I entered one and asked for something to drink. The bar-tender blinked his eye to me. I was watching the people. I had the chance to establish an eye-connection with some of the guys but I didn't do it. They weren't worth it. Then on the way back to the metro station I met a guy. It was an eye flirt. However, no follow up later. I came back home.
I returned to this area later with my friends. We went to another gay club. I was walking around the club to hunt someone but it was me who ended up being hunted. A Mexican living in Paris. Very charming and seductive. We quickly went to his place. On the way, we were walking thru the city kissing and making out everywhere. I slept at his place until noon. In the morning he disappeared to give English classes but then he returned to his tiny apartment where I was still sleeping. We had a lunch and then went to have some ice-creams. Then we exchanged contacts and separated.
The next night was crazy too. My friend with whom I was partying all the time was a bit tired. We were at Montmarte where I didn't know any gay places. We finished the drink at 1 AM and she wanted to go back home. I didn't want to. I desperately wanted to get back to the places where I partied the night before. I walked part of the way myself and then caught a bus. I ended up in the same pub where I was the day before. I bumped into the Mexican and his friends. I went with them to another place where I met a cute and young French boy. The Mexican was jealous. I don't like that so I abandoned him and escaped the place with the French guy. We drove in a cab thru the city. At some point, we passed the Eiffel Tower which made me think "gosh! I'm in Paris!". His flat was awesome! A double spacious living room with a huge windows overlooking the garden. I was only imagining me throwing coctails and parties for my friends there. Sex wasn't exciting. The guy was adorable though and I guess he kind of fell into me. The next day we went to see the Eiffel Tower (I had this idea when I saw it the night before) and Saint-Germain-des-Prés. Then, I came back home.
It was fun to be with these guys but to be honest I had more fun with my friends whom I met there. It's obvious that friends are more valuable than guys with whom you have one-night-stands...
I had a lot of fun there. If you know what I mean.
On the second day after my arrival I went to the gay neighborhood to check the places. I wrote down some of them found on line. It wasn't difficult to find them. It was easy to spot them seeing many cuties sitting there. I entered one and asked for something to drink. The bar-tender blinked his eye to me. I was watching the people. I had the chance to establish an eye-connection with some of the guys but I didn't do it. They weren't worth it. Then on the way back to the metro station I met a guy. It was an eye flirt. However, no follow up later. I came back home.
I returned to this area later with my friends. We went to another gay club. I was walking around the club to hunt someone but it was me who ended up being hunted. A Mexican living in Paris. Very charming and seductive. We quickly went to his place. On the way, we were walking thru the city kissing and making out everywhere. I slept at his place until noon. In the morning he disappeared to give English classes but then he returned to his tiny apartment where I was still sleeping. We had a lunch and then went to have some ice-creams. Then we exchanged contacts and separated.
The next night was crazy too. My friend with whom I was partying all the time was a bit tired. We were at Montmarte where I didn't know any gay places. We finished the drink at 1 AM and she wanted to go back home. I didn't want to. I desperately wanted to get back to the places where I partied the night before. I walked part of the way myself and then caught a bus. I ended up in the same pub where I was the day before. I bumped into the Mexican and his friends. I went with them to another place where I met a cute and young French boy. The Mexican was jealous. I don't like that so I abandoned him and escaped the place with the French guy. We drove in a cab thru the city. At some point, we passed the Eiffel Tower which made me think "gosh! I'm in Paris!". His flat was awesome! A double spacious living room with a huge windows overlooking the garden. I was only imagining me throwing coctails and parties for my friends there. Sex wasn't exciting. The guy was adorable though and I guess he kind of fell into me. The next day we went to see the Eiffel Tower (I had this idea when I saw it the night before) and Saint-Germain-des-Prés. Then, I came back home.
It was fun to be with these guys but to be honest I had more fun with my friends whom I met there. It's obvious that friends are more valuable than guys with whom you have one-night-stands...
Monday, June 16, 2008
sex and/or love
I just found this post in drafts thinking that it was published on January 7. Never too late! Enjoy it!
I did it again yesterday. The Internet, the chat, the cam, the desire, the telephone numbers, the apartment, the sex. Another country on my list.
At some things he was really bad (kissing), at other stuff fucking good (email me for details - not to publish here).
It was a good fuck overall. But... again a lot of thoughts (I think I need a brain surgery - I think definitely too much).
So, the first thing. Do I really need random sex? Do I need to spend so much time chatting and then meeting people and having sex only? We barely spoke. Pure fuck only. I wrote once that sex is a skill. You need to work on it to achieve satisfying level. I mean two people need to work on that together. If you meet another person you usually have to start working on that from the scratch. That's mostly my experience. The first fuck is rarely as good as the next ones (I mean still with the same person) when you acquire some knowledge about the person, his expectations and his favorite games :) Then you're both masters and sex is a fucking great experience. You (I) barely meet people with whom sex is great at the first time. Maybe it's about the fucking expectations that usually mess up many areas of your life??
Anyway, sex is usually much better with your life partner than with random person. And it's not even about skills, experience or learning each other. It's about the feelings! Yes, I didn't expect from myself to have such conclusions... Even in my 4,5 year relationship, I mostly had fabulous sex until the end. The same with my last ex with whom the fucking was so amazing as soon as we only learnt each other. And it was not even about knowledge. It was because we had feelings. After sex, we just felt fulfilled (not only in the literal meaning :). We treated it as a diamond on the crown. Successful sex was something that was contributing to our relationship. It was so great to spend a night with him, sleeping and waking up together after great fuck. No, there is only fuck...
ehh... I feel bad being single.
So for now, sex is suspended. I mean I'm not looking for it desperately anymore... Now, it will be sex that should look for me. And maybe sex will find me together with his partner called love?
I hope so! Inchallah!
I did it again yesterday. The Internet, the chat, the cam, the desire, the telephone numbers, the apartment, the sex. Another country on my list.
At some things he was really bad (kissing), at other stuff fucking good (email me for details - not to publish here).
It was a good fuck overall. But... again a lot of thoughts (I think I need a brain surgery - I think definitely too much).
So, the first thing. Do I really need random sex? Do I need to spend so much time chatting and then meeting people and having sex only? We barely spoke. Pure fuck only. I wrote once that sex is a skill. You need to work on it to achieve satisfying level. I mean two people need to work on that together. If you meet another person you usually have to start working on that from the scratch. That's mostly my experience. The first fuck is rarely as good as the next ones (I mean still with the same person) when you acquire some knowledge about the person, his expectations and his favorite games :) Then you're both masters and sex is a fucking great experience. You (I) barely meet people with whom sex is great at the first time. Maybe it's about the fucking expectations that usually mess up many areas of your life??
Anyway, sex is usually much better with your life partner than with random person. And it's not even about skills, experience or learning each other. It's about the feelings! Yes, I didn't expect from myself to have such conclusions... Even in my 4,5 year relationship, I mostly had fabulous sex until the end. The same with my last ex with whom the fucking was so amazing as soon as we only learnt each other. And it was not even about knowledge. It was because we had feelings. After sex, we just felt fulfilled (not only in the literal meaning :). We treated it as a diamond on the crown. Successful sex was something that was contributing to our relationship. It was so great to spend a night with him, sleeping and waking up together after great fuck. No, there is only fuck...
ehh... I feel bad being single.
So for now, sex is suspended. I mean I'm not looking for it desperately anymore... Now, it will be sex that should look for me. And maybe sex will find me together with his partner called love?
I hope so! Inchallah!
time to say goodbye
7 days to go. Next Monday, I will be in Spain and on Tuesday back in my home country. My experience is about to finish.
I am sure there will be still sex but there will be no medina... time to say goodbye.
Yesterday, I was invited for another posh party in the neighboring city. Two of my cool friends sang there some jazz and gnawa music. It was in the same city where my ex lives. I hadn't seen him for more than 3 months although we had been in touch during this period. So I called him before and we decided to meet. In the meantime, we were trying to figure out why our second endeavour to be together didn't really work out. I guess we had two different conclusions of that. He thought I didn't care about him having problems and I thought he didn't want me to support him while having those problems. At that point I guess we were both wrong. But it really doesn't matter right now. We are friends and over each other. He is dating someone now and it seems to be going serious. He wants to start his masters in Paris next year so I think it's going to be possible to see each other from time to time somewhere in Europe.
I suppose it's the first time for me where I can be friends with my ex. It's a great thing.
I am sure there will be still sex but there will be no medina... time to say goodbye.
Yesterday, I was invited for another posh party in the neighboring city. Two of my cool friends sang there some jazz and gnawa music. It was in the same city where my ex lives. I hadn't seen him for more than 3 months although we had been in touch during this period. So I called him before and we decided to meet. In the meantime, we were trying to figure out why our second endeavour to be together didn't really work out. I guess we had two different conclusions of that. He thought I didn't care about him having problems and I thought he didn't want me to support him while having those problems. At that point I guess we were both wrong. But it really doesn't matter right now. We are friends and over each other. He is dating someone now and it seems to be going serious. He wants to start his masters in Paris next year so I think it's going to be possible to see each other from time to time somewhere in Europe.
I suppose it's the first time for me where I can be friends with my ex. It's a great thing.
the dirty dancing
Last Saturday, my friend invited me to a really posh and classy restaurant/bar where she and her young apprentice were supposed to sing some jazz (her) and gnawa music (him). They are both fabulous, the place is fabulous and everything is fabulous there.
Although, it is a restaurant with technically no place for dancing the atmosphere was so incredible that people started dancing after having drunk some alcohol. I was among of them obviously. I was so into dancing and having fun with one of my girlfriends that I almost missed the cute guy dancing a few meters from me, near another table. It was my other girlfriend who told me "this guy is a gay". I paid attention to him and saw he was really adorable. Suddenly, we established the eye connection and started smiling to each other. We began dancing in the same way repeating steps of each other. The moment lasted a long while (at least it seemed to me so) and we continued on moving, smiling and blinking eyes. Then, he took a hat and put it on. I started asking him to give me the hat (remember that there was a distance between us
and we used no words to communicate). In the most sweet and cute way, he refused to give it to me. I touched my cheeks starting near the eyes and then going down. It was supposed to show him that I was crying because of not getting the hat. Then I realized my friend had a hat and quickly I grabbed it from her and wore it. Me and my dirty dancer were even - we both had hats. A moment later I gave my hat to my friend and to my surprise my dancer threw the hat to me so I could wore it. We continued dancing and now it was only me who had the hat. I threw it back to him later. The band had to take a break so our dance was over. I waved to him goodbye. That was such a charming dance.
After around 20 minutes I approached him to talk and of course to follow up. We exchanged a few words and numbers as well. I noticed his French was not that good but I just thought that I was wrong because my French was not good either. I called the next day the afternoon. We
met in the downtown. He was late. Unfortunately, I was right. His French was much worse than mine (and I only started learning it a year back). We went to some purely local club and played billards. It was funny and bizarre in the same time. I was trying to get to know if he was a gay as nothing was sure with him. I asked the question directly and he responded "half-half" which I don't actually know what it means in this case but since the reply was not "no" I assumed that he might be a gay.
We also met yesterday. Again in the downtown, again he was late. I was trying to meet him somewhere closer to his place so we could go there directly but he didn't want. And he was late because he misunderstood me saying the hour. I said quatorze (14) and he understood quatre (4). His fucking French is so bad. While waiting for him I met 4 of my friends which only made me realize how small the city I live in is. To my surprise he brought his friend. Normally, I wouldn't appreciate that but at least the other guy spoke better French so I could have a decent
conversation. I was a bit shocked that the other guy knew the owner of my favorite restaurant and knew he was a gay (such a small city although it's the second biggest one in the country and the capital as well). The gay-owner is a really posh and classy person, part of the elite of the expats here. I was surprised that randomly met guy knew him and the fact that he was a gay. And the other thing is that the gay-owner can't come out. Everyone seems to know about him however he never speaks about it loud.
A very charming and sweet beginning of the relation turned into something full of questions and totally awkward. Guys here are very weird. It's time to go back home to Europe where gays are still strange but less and in a more bearable way.
Although, it is a restaurant with technically no place for dancing the atmosphere was so incredible that people started dancing after having drunk some alcohol. I was among of them obviously. I was so into dancing and having fun with one of my girlfriends that I almost missed the cute guy dancing a few meters from me, near another table. It was my other girlfriend who told me "this guy is a gay". I paid attention to him and saw he was really adorable. Suddenly, we established the eye connection and started smiling to each other. We began dancing in the same way repeating steps of each other. The moment lasted a long while (at least it seemed to me so) and we continued on moving, smiling and blinking eyes. Then, he took a hat and put it on. I started asking him to give me the hat (remember that there was a distance between us
and we used no words to communicate). In the most sweet and cute way, he refused to give it to me. I touched my cheeks starting near the eyes and then going down. It was supposed to show him that I was crying because of not getting the hat. Then I realized my friend had a hat and quickly I grabbed it from her and wore it. Me and my dirty dancer were even - we both had hats. A moment later I gave my hat to my friend and to my surprise my dancer threw the hat to me so I could wore it. We continued dancing and now it was only me who had the hat. I threw it back to him later. The band had to take a break so our dance was over. I waved to him goodbye. That was such a charming dance.
After around 20 minutes I approached him to talk and of course to follow up. We exchanged a few words and numbers as well. I noticed his French was not that good but I just thought that I was wrong because my French was not good either. I called the next day the afternoon. We
met in the downtown. He was late. Unfortunately, I was right. His French was much worse than mine (and I only started learning it a year back). We went to some purely local club and played billards. It was funny and bizarre in the same time. I was trying to get to know if he was a gay as nothing was sure with him. I asked the question directly and he responded "half-half" which I don't actually know what it means in this case but since the reply was not "no" I assumed that he might be a gay.
We also met yesterday. Again in the downtown, again he was late. I was trying to meet him somewhere closer to his place so we could go there directly but he didn't want. And he was late because he misunderstood me saying the hour. I said quatorze (14) and he understood quatre (4). His fucking French is so bad. While waiting for him I met 4 of my friends which only made me realize how small the city I live in is. To my surprise he brought his friend. Normally, I wouldn't appreciate that but at least the other guy spoke better French so I could have a decent
conversation. I was a bit shocked that the other guy knew the owner of my favorite restaurant and knew he was a gay (such a small city although it's the second biggest one in the country and the capital as well). The gay-owner is a really posh and classy person, part of the elite of the expats here. I was surprised that randomly met guy knew him and the fact that he was a gay. And the other thing is that the gay-owner can't come out. Everyone seems to know about him however he never speaks about it loud.
A very charming and sweet beginning of the relation turned into something full of questions and totally awkward. Guys here are very weird. It's time to go back home to Europe where gays are still strange but less and in a more bearable way.
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