sex and/or love

I just found this post in drafts thinking that it was published on January 7. Never too late! Enjoy it!

I did it again yesterday. The Internet, the chat, the cam, the desire, the telephone numbers, the apartment, the sex. Another country on my list.

At some things he was really bad (kissing), at other stuff fucking good (email me for details - not to publish here).

It was a good fuck overall. But... again a lot of thoughts (I think I need a brain surgery - I think definitely too much).

So, the first thing. Do I really need random sex? Do I need to spend so much time chatting and then meeting people and having sex only? We barely spoke. Pure fuck only. I wrote once that sex is a skill. You need to work on it to achieve satisfying level. I mean two people need to work on that together. If you meet another person you usually have to start working on that from the scratch. That's mostly my experience. The first fuck is rarely as good as the next ones (I mean still with the same person) when you acquire some knowledge about the person, his expectations and his favorite games :) Then you're both masters and sex is a fucking great experience. You (I) barely meet people with whom sex is great at the first time. Maybe it's about the fucking expectations that usually mess up many areas of your life??

Anyway, sex is usually much better with your life partner than with random person. And it's not even about skills, experience or learning each other. It's about the feelings! Yes, I didn't expect from myself to have such conclusions... Even in my 4,5 year relationship, I mostly had fabulous sex until the end. The same with my last ex with whom the fucking was so amazing as soon as we only learnt each other. And it was not even about knowledge. It was because we had feelings. After sex, we just felt fulfilled (not only in the literal meaning :). We treated it as a diamond on the crown. Successful sex was something that was contributing to our relationship. It was so great to spend a night with him, sleeping and waking up together after great fuck. No, there is only fuck...

ehh... I feel bad being single.

So for now, sex is suspended. I mean I'm not looking for it desperately anymore... Now, it will be sex that should look for me. And maybe sex will find me together with his partner called love?

I hope so! Inchallah!