me, myself and I

It is really interesting and surprising how I judge others versus myself in the very same situations and based on the same criteria. The results are completely different. I guess I am doubled or trippled or whatever!

I started my new job on the 1st of September. I work in a corporation where according to the general perception one can never have their free time and where your personal life is the subject of disrespect. That obviously negatively affects your personal life.
It’s hard to say that my life was destroyed from the amount of work so far (which can always happen in the future but I assume it will not). I don’t work more than needed, there is no rat race and people are always very nice and helpful.

So what are these initial observations? I joined the department as one of 11 newcomers. Out of them, 10 are in a relationship (including me). Isn’t it a very promising result for the future generations? When I listen to the other workers I will just hear “my girlfriend and I”, “my wife”, “my husband”, “our children”. They all or most of them seem to live in the small cities/villages or suburbs of the capital (of the Kingdom I am living in now) with their girlfriends or boyfriends and the future just looks like “and they live happily ever after.” (I cannot imagine of something worse than living in any of these places, especially suburbs).

I feel kind of irritated by these people. I find them more boring. I am sometimes surprised to hear the length of their relationships or the fact of being married! I also kind of appreciate people who are single and who feel great about it. I don’t feel that anymore though when I realize that a person considers staying single for the rest of her/his life. And it’s here where inconsistency starts. Because, I do have to admit how inconsistent I am in this thinking. I, myself, am in a relationship. I am very happy with James Bond. I could get married to him right away if we had an opportunity. And I would never find it irritating, boring or surprising. I would be genuinely happy for us – more than happy I am sure. I could sacrifice so much. Why then do I feel all these kind of negative feelings for my work mates? I need to stress that it is not the case for my close friends. I would always be truly happy for them and their partners whenever they got one. And I am so happy for myself! Why can’t I be happy for the others? Maybe it is because I value my friends way more than some new random work mates? Maybe it is because of rejection of anything related to settling down in one place - especially in the city where I have been living for a couple of weeks? Because of rejection of anything related to my new work place and new lifestyle? Or maybe because of the fact that my relationship is better (according to me) and different than the standard ones (because of its international aspects – coming back from two different places, meeting each other in one country, living in other countries now, planning to live together in some other countries in the future)?

Any ideas?

'I’m so excited! I just can’t hide it!'

Small things make you happy. And hamdullah (thanks God in Arabic), we have them from time to time!

I was sitting in my hotel room (I was sent for some company trainings to the country in Southern Europe where I met Mr Charming last December) and typing some emails to my friends when I got a text from James Bond saying: “I wear your jacket a lot. And sometimes I imagine it is you holding me”. For your info, it is a jacket of mine that I didn’t really like to wear but one that he liked a lot so I was more than happy to give it to him (not because I could get rid of an unnecessary clothe but because I was happy to give him something he liked).

While I got the text I was listening to Pointer Sisters “I’m so excited! I just can’t hide it! I’m about to lose control but I think I like it”.

Indeed, I am very excited. Happy as well!
And no further elaboration is needed.

bonding with James Bond :)

James Bond arrived in here last week. (for those who don’t know after having left Northern Africa I went back to my home country for two months and afterwards, 2 weeks ago, moved to one of the European capitals in the Western Europe). He came here last Sunday (7 Sep) for one week. We were both very excited to see each other, especially after two and half months of separation and a long-distance relationship. But we were also very anxious at the same time. We met in the Northern Africa last February. Then we met again at the movie shooting (yes, we were both extras in a Hollywood production). Later, we would always end up at the same parties or meet by chance in the same places having many friends in common and being neighbours at the same time. And the last fabulous in the Northern Africa week when I realized he was gay and when we hooked up and started our relationship. It was all like a glamorous movie where were not extras but the leading roles. We had drinks in the most fancy, classy and fabulous places in the town. We hanged around with the most cool, smart, cute and intelligent people. The atmosphere of One Thousand and One Nights was everywhere to be felt. Then I had to leave the Northern Africa which was way more difficult than I would have ever expected. I cried a sea of tears to say good bye to my friends, my house, my lifestyle and especially – my newly met boyfriend. The come back to my home country was like travelling back to past. Usually coming back to the past was a nice and a nostalgic experience. It wasn’t in that case. I felt so confused and it was so hard to re-establish my life in the place where I was brought up. I made it though but with a lot of challenges and confusions. Luckily, the relationship with James Bond was going very well even despite the distance. We were very excited to see each other after around ten weeks. But as I said – we were anxious at the same moment. What if it wouldn’t work out anymore? All the magic of One Thousand and One Nights would be gone. Our friends were not there. Our favourite city hot spots were unreachable. It was just us. It was only the two of us who were the same elements of a magnificent story in the very different environment. I drove to the airport to pick him up. I was happy and scared at the same time. I arrived a bit earlier and was standing at the hall of arrivals. I was watching all the passengers coming out in order to spot him. My heart was beating like crazy. Then after almost one hour of waiting I noticed him – he was walking pretty quickly, carrying a lot of baggage and being very tanned after more than a month trip to Western Africa. My heart bit up again. I approached him and gave him an innocent kiss. Having helped him a bit with his luggage we headed towards my car. After initial few minutes I had the feeling that everything was fine. I was so happy to see him. And so was the week that we spent together. Full of funny conversations, smart and cute jokes, going out for a dinner or a drink, meeting with my friends, walking and hanging around in the city. Just fabulous even if we got the spent the evenings only as I was working during the day. And the sex was so amazing. We both got laid after more than two months of celibacy. Everything was just so amazing. But the most important thing was that thanks to the long conversations we had I got rid of most of my fears and concerns. I am not so much afraid of long distance relationship or of the next year anymore. I know that we love each other strong enough in order to be and live in the same place next year. Wherever it will happen to be. And I am sure we will do it. Because he is an amazing person and I will do my best to keep him in my life.

I love you.

'for your eyes only'

James Bond is coming to the town tomorrow! Yaaay!! I haven't seen his since Jun 23 when I was still in the Northern Africa. I'm so excited. I'm also proud of ourselves. We survived such a long period of not being able to see each other. We have succeeded. Meaning we have high chances to survive this year! We're gonna have a fabulous time here!! It's happening now!!