BJs and DJs

Even up until now, I have hard time believing in that but it is a fact. My North African boyfriend (he is way more than my boyfriend) and I decided to open our relationship. I never thought that such an arrangement would be my thing but here we are... La grande ouverture! I do not feel like explaining here how we got there now but I thought it was worth sharing how my newly acquired freedom was utilized for the first time.

It was an important day to me. The second one of my 2 big exams took place in the morning (3 hours and 15 minutes of my morning to be exact) and after 3 months of studying while working full-time I already smelt the wind of my upcoming liberation. By that, I meant not having to study every night after work. But as it later turned out the winds of freedom would blow much stronger than expected.

One of my friends told me that I should absolutely have a dinner and drinks with him to celebrate the end of my exam session. Despite feeling tired, I was more than up for such a festive, Wednesday night scenario. This friend of mine is the type that you are hardly able to see on his own. He is always surrounded by a bunch of crazy partying people and even though they are all fun you sometimes crave for some one-on-one quality time. I was lucky to get almost 2 hours of the evening with him only.

But such things cannot last forever. At some point, I went to the boys' room and when I returned I noticed that a stranger was sitting at our table and talking to my friend. I sat down and got introduced to him. He was a young and a cute DJ. I had never met him before but when he later added me on Facebook I realized I had seen his name before. Not to mention quite a few friends in common. In the beginning, I was getting a bit bored after his arrival. Then even more people came so the magic and the aura of a one-on-one dinner with a great friend seemed to have vanished.

I was really getting bored until the DJ sat next to me and put his arm around me. Suddenly, it started getting interesting. Mostly of the people at the table did not know my relationship had recently become open so I did not want to create too much fuss about it. Luckily, they simply decided to ignore the affection between him and me not asking any questions. Later the DJ started cuddling towards me and he put his hand under my t-shirt. He gave me some more or less innocent kisses. Then he started whispering to my ears and he asked whether I would be interested in going to his place that night. I said I was not sure. In fact, I wanted to but I had not decided whether I was ready or not. He said he did not want to pressure me in case I was tired or wanted to go back home to be with my boyfriend. It seemed the DJ took my hesitation as a 'no' since upon leaving he did not ask me again and he just left home. I felt like going after him and precising the situation aka saying 'Yes, let's go to your place' but all of the people were leaving together with me so I did not want to follow the DJ in too an explicit manner. I almost felt like the crowd at the table was my parents since I didn't want to make them realize that I was about to do something inappropriate in their eyes. Luckily to me, we all went to the metro pretty fast and then separated. The DJ was the first to leave the crowd and went back on foot since he was living in the neighborhood. When I was finally alone I messaged him on Facebook (he had added me while in the restaurant). Facebook said the DJ was online 3 minutes ago so I was expecting a quick reply. But his message was not coming unlike the metro train that arrived and was going to take me back home. I decided to deliberately miss it and give the DJ some time to reply. It was quite late so the trains would pass every 10 minutes. The count down seemed to be going too fast while I still had no reply from him. The moment the second train entered the station I finally got my reply. The DJ said that I was more than welcome to pay him a visit. I underlined that it would be a quick visit (aka quickie) since it was late and I didn't want to miss the last metro. He gave me his address and off I went.

After less than 10 minutes I was at his door. He was wearing a nice pair of white shorts and I could instantly see that no other piece of clothing was underneath. He was living in a shared apartment with a few people and had a rather ascetic bedroom with not too much in it which reminded me of my apartment in the Southern Hemisphere. Soon we started kissing and we laid down on his bed. And off we went. It felt quite nice. Even though he was not quite my type physically I enjoyed it a lot. Probably, because there was something very sexual about him. The kind of chemistry that I fall for even if the guy is not entirely my fantasy.

The whole experience lasted probably less than 20 minutes. It was late and we both needed to wake up very early. I did not want to miss the last metro either so I left. I kissed him good night and said 'see you next time'. Once I was out and on the street I just realized that it was the first time in my current relationship that I slept with some else. It did feel a bit strange or at least unusual. I do have to admit that a little head fuck (a sort of 'moral' hangover) was present in my mind but then I said to myself that too much reflection was not necessary. My boyfriend and I took a conscious decision to open our relationship and there was no need to feel bad about what had just happened. I thought that I could either feel awkward or simply embrace the fact that I could now keep the cookie and eat it at the same time. While walking towards the metro station I turned on the iTunes on my iPhone and played the music. The first song on my playlist turned out to be 'The World is Mine'. And I did feel as if a little bit more than usual of the world had become mine on that night.

Yesterday never dies

They say that a best friend should always be courageous enough to tell us not to sleep with our ex. But the same best friend will instantly understand us when we sleep with the ex anyway. It seems like we will never learn that the right part of our body to use while deciding whether to sleep with our ex or not is the brain - not the heart or any other part of our system. The widespread word of wisdom sung by the 1990s German Euro-pop band of the song ‘Max don’t have sex with your ex’ will never be implemented by us. The song later goes ‘It will make your life complex’ but this appears to be no danger or threat to us either.

Needless to add, I am no exception here. However, the fact that most of my relationships were long-distance ones and the break-up happened while geographically away from my ex decreased the impact and the drawbacks of the post-break-up sex with an ex. I often hardly stay in touch with my ex’es or simply never see them again (although an occasional email every now or simply not deleting them from my Facebook friends list is a common practice). But sometimes there are exceptions to exceptions too and the best example of it here would be James.

James is my ex with whom I was together for almost a year while I was living in the tiny Western European kingdom and he was in the big city on the Euro-Asian border. He broke up with me in 2009. Just before that he booked his tickets to come and see me after the breakup. Obviously when he was making the reservation he could not know that we would no longer be together during that trip - or at least he told me so... He did not cancel his trip after having consulted that issue with me. I guess I did want him to come anyway. Of course things did happen between us. I do not even recall not wanting them to happen. I think I was completely aware of how unreasonable and silly that was but I consciously did nothing to stop it. At that time, a lot of changes were happening in my life so I didn't feel that would disturb me and it turned out to be right.

Exactly 2 years later, I was about to finish my work contract in the Southern Hemisphere and freshly single (again) I was getting ready to leave and return to the North. I decided to take some time off, travel a bit and visit some old friends. Since a lot of them are spread all over the world we decided to organize a reunion on a 'neutral ground'. The neutral ground turned out to be not so neutral since it was where James lived (and he is still there). In an [unwise] move to avoid some nasty hostels and save up some money I asked James whether I could stay at his place. Of course he agreed instantly after which I underlined that there would be no sex between us. I just wanted to avoid drama on my side but also on his since he was in a gray area with his ex.

A few weeks later the big travel approached and I took off to the city on the border between Europe and Asia. Some of James' friends were visiting from his side of the Atlantic. They were staying in a hotel but they all came to his place for drinks. We were all drinking in the living room and sitting on the couch on which I was supposed to sleep afterwards. James offered me to sleep in his double bed but I wanted to avoid any sexual encounters so I declined. I was happy he did not insist.

Then the things took a different turn. His friends left and we were by ourselves talking and continuing to drink red wine. It was quite late and we were both tired. Suddenly James just passed out in a very uncomfortable position on the couch where I was supposed to sleep. After a few unsuccessful attempts to wake him up and make him to go to his own bedroom, I capitulated and went to sleep in his bedroom. I was not happy as I knew he would eventually wake up in the middle of the night and go back to his own bed and we would end up sleeping together. Guess what - this is exactly what happened. Of course around the dawn it just happened. He started touching my hair, my face, then kissing and we were on a slippery slope! You know the rest of the story.

So yes, you can blame and judge me - I had sex with my ex... But more than 2 years after our breakup, some things were different. His gay worldview seemed to have evolved. He was no longer confused, he was much more self-confident and knew what he wanted. He told me he wanted to settle down and even have kids... It came as a shock to me and I think that at some point I even said it out loud: 'Oh my God, so people do change sometimes!' Another thing that change was my feelings. So did his most probably. Of course, we still have warm feelings for each other but it is not a 'relationship love' anymore. We respect each other, want to keep our friendship going but I think we both realized that the past is in the past and that was where it should remain. However, on that particular night (and the few ones to follow) our friendship involved some benefits too. But it did feel great because it was completely drama-free. So my past did not die. Yesterday is still today. However, today's yesterday is much better than yesterday's yesterday.

Once you are in a river, you are wet

Most gays are sluts. Yes, it is a stereotype, it is a generalization and such statements hurt some guys who are the highly moral minority but it has to be admitted - this is the truth. There - I have said that. And if you have followed that blog for at least a little while you must know that I am no exception. It is fun even though sometimes it causes headfucks - a situation when you have a moral hang-over after a one night stand. But sometimes a one night stand is exactly what it should be - a great, amazing, mind-blowing fuck. There - I have said that.

It was a Monday a few months ago when I was still living in the Southern Hemisphere and I took that day off since I had friends from other side of Pacific visiting so I wanted to show them around and have a date with the city (even though I was accompanied by my guest - three women). The day was a bit exhausting and I declined to go and see a rugby game when my guests offered me to do so. 'What was he thinking?' you might say 'decline seeing a bunch of hot guys with lots of testosteron boiling in their veins?' The truth was that I was tired and you would have to go one hour by train to see the game. 'Nothing but a lame excuse' you might continue criticizing me. I would agree under usual circumstances. But what happened to me later that day was nothing usual whatsoever.

We met on a dating website. He was a local guy and I had been chatting with him for a few weeks but we had never met. He was very tall, very muscular, big and hot. A hung. He looked like a rugby player. It turned out that he was also my neighbor. I felt I wanted to meet him on the day my friends went to see the rugby game. I had no intention of having sex on the first meeting so I suggested to meet at a neutral ground - a cafe or a restaurant for a drink. He said there was not really any good place in the neighborhood and moreover, he felt tired so he did not feel like going out and proposed to meet up at his place instead. I gave it a second thought and said to myself that after a whole day out in the city I was not in a mood for a crowded place either so going to his apartment would be ok. I expressly announced I was not looking for a sexdate and he quickly and easily accepted that idea. I also said I could not drink any alcohol since I was on anti-biotics. I guess I wanted to make this 'date' as asexual and unappealing as possible.

So while my three female friends were enjoying watching the rugby players, I went a few blocks up the hill to meet my new, athletic friend. He invited me in and I was not impressed by the apartment itself but instantly overwhelmed by the view he had on the downtown. He could see the whole of the City skyline and it was even more picturesque with all the lights and colorful neons turned on at night. It was breathtaking. Once I cooled off a bit and sat down he offered me a glass of tonic and took a glass of white wine himself. We were seated in a visible distance one from another. The conversation was going fine although there was no outstanding connection. At a certain point he started saying something about the two couches and an armchair we were sitting on. He mentioned that the furniture was German and he had got it from a friend who was once single and decided to give it to him once she got married. 'It is furniture for single people only. Not for couples' he told me. Some time later it got cold in the apartment so he sat next to the heater that had happened to be next to me as well. At that moment, there was no longer any distance between us. A few seconds of tense and a little bit uncomfortable silence and he said he wanted to kiss me. On one hand, I wanted to do it too but on the other, I wanted to stick to my initial promise. After a few seconds of hesitation, I decided to go for the kiss. We carried on kissing. He was really good. He put his arms around me. The couches were quite uncomfortable. 'Now, I understand why they are not good for couples' I said and suggested going to his bedroom. I was trying to remove his t-shirt but he said we were not going to have sex since I had intended not to do it in the beginning. 'Fuck that' I replied and we took off.

It was mind-blowing. I have not had such good sex in long time. It was amazing. We repeated that a few days later and it was similarly incredible. I did not regret anything since it was that good but I learned a new thing and I realized I would have to carefully apply it in real life - once you meet a guy and decide to meet at his or your place, simply admit that you are most likely going to have sex with him. It is almost inevitable. Once you go into a river, you are wet.

When my friends arrived back from the game they were all excited as they really enjoyed it. They even saw some butt as the shorts of one of the players accidentally went down during a fight for the ball. It was amazing for them. 'Who won the game?' I asked. 'Hmmm... we are not quite sure' they replied. I smiled. 'You should have joined us. We had an incredible time. You should regret not going with us and staying at home instead... So what did you do actually?' they asked me. 'Not much' I responded 'I just had some rest and took a nap' I continued.

One way or another

I spent my last few months in the Southern Hemisphere living in sort of a red light district. It was full of prostitutes, massages salons, brothels and other happy facilities that are usually to be easily found in such a neighborhood. My house itself used to be a brothel until a few months before me moving in but this story requires a separate post with its undivided attention to all that goes with living in an ex-brothel.

Being a resident of a red light district comes with a lot of unwanted (unplanned or unexpected might be more appropriate words) encounters with local prostitutes. They usually hit on you and compliment you just so that you could become their next client. Most of the times, they (the female ones) have a very bad gaydar and they incorrectly pre-screen me for their potential client. Little do they know about my sexual preferences.

One night however, it all took a totally different turn.

It was an uneventful Sunday night when I was walking home after a dinner with friends. I noticed a pair of prostitutes and a guy from the distance. I could not tell whether the guy was a client or a pimp. While I approached I realized that one of the prostitutes was quite manly and must have been a transvestite or a trans-sexual. I suddenly felt she would start talking to me soon but it was too late to run away. A few seconds later (s)he asked me 'Hey darling, do you want a blowjob?' I smiled and I kindly declined. 'Maybe you want to give me one?'. I was not expecting that kind of offer at all. I quickly accelerated the pace of my walk and disappeared behind the corner without opening my mouth to avoid having to produce any answer to the second proposition. I was speechless or maybe just I simply did not want to open my jaws. It was quite an experience.

Some boys-turned-girls can simply make it one way or another. They have it all - and that includes both male and female genitalia.

A cross-hemispherical encounter

The first night when my South-East Asian date blew me off was when I met someone else. He was a European guy from Western Mediterranean region traveling after having finished an exchange semester in the Southern Hemisphere. He sent me a message via the dating/hook-up website I use frequently and after a few back-and-forth's on the site, I suggested meeting up for hot chocolate after work. By 'hot chocolate', I did mean the hot chocolate (a warm beverage).

When I arrived at the chocolaterie, he was already waiting in the line to purchase some hot, sweet and tasty drinks. He insisted on paying for my order which was kind of cute. He turned out to be a tall, handsome, Mediterranean guy with a beautiful smile revealing an impeccable line of nice, white teeth. Prior to our meeting I had told him I would have only an hour since I was going to have a meditation class exactly an hour after work. He was ok with that. We spent a nice hour, talking mostly about each other as this was the first time we had met. I felt like I wanted to meet him again but he was leaving two days later and my social agenda was already tightly filled. I told him I would contact him in the evening and maybe we could meet up for a drink.

On that day, I was going to meet up with my South-East Asian date but he cancelled on me saying a friend had called and offered him to play volleyball. My date could not have possibly refused but I was not really upset and I quickly informed the European guy I would be available to see him around 9 PM. We met up close to my house and headed towards the favorite part of my neighborhood full of nice restaurants and cafés. I felt like going to one of my preferred French lounge bars/restaurants. It turned out there was some cabaret/burlesque show that night so the whole atmosphere somewhat special. We sensed we were magically taken somewhere to Montmarte in Paris. It did not feel like the Southern Hemisphere at all. My new friend was enchanted by the soirée. We did not talk about sex, dating or relationships at all. We rather discussed traveling, living in Europe vs. the Southern Hemisphere, being a foreigner while living abroad etc. It was a very pleasant night after which he went back to his hostel and I went back to my place.

I wanted to meet him the day after but I was going to the cinema after work and then having a dinner with some friends. I promised I would text him if I was to be free which seemed unlikely given my busy social schedule. But the day turned out a little bit differently and the ending was quite unusual... Since the very morning I had had an annoying pain in my ear and in my throat. Unfortunately, I knew it could be an ear infection. The joint ear/throat ache happens every now and then but usually goes away after a few hours. On that day, it was not the case. It was getting worse hour by hour. It started being extremely annoying and painful while I was in the cinema. I still went for the dinner but the pain prevented me from enjoying it. Around 10 PM, I decided I would not be able to cope with it and I went to the emergency. It was nothing serious as I suspected but I needed some painkillers... and antibiotics as it later turned out. While I was sitting in the waiting room, I got a text message from the Euro guy. It was around 23.30 PM and he said 'I am free now and if by any chance you are free for a drink as well then I would be really happy to hang out with you'. I replied 'I don't think I will be able to go out to a pub or a bar now but if you want to join me at the hospital, come over. I'm at the emergency'. I guess that (sub)consciously I wanted to make it sound a little bit dramatic and serious so that he would come. One of the reasons of that was that I felt like seeing him again. But on the other hand, I was at the emergency and I felt sort of lonely at that particular moment. There was quite a few people in suffering (including me) and the atmosphere was overall dreadful. It was a hospital after all. The emergency was a few minutes away from my place and also very close to the Euro's guy hostel. He showed up after a few minutes. Some time later, my doctor arrived and I had my consultation. Half an hour, more than hundred dollars and a few pills later, I was free to go home. The Euro guy and I headed towards our neighborhood. It was a quiet, nice, warm and quite an uneventful Friday night. He decided to walk me home. When we reached my place, I hugged him good night which was also a big 'Thank you for coming to see me at the emergency'. After all, we had only met the day before and bluntly speaking, we were strangers to each other. And yet, I found myself waiting at the hospital with a random European guy who decided to come over and accompany me in pain (almost literally). It was too cute.

The Euro guy was leaving the Southern Hemisphere the day after (Saturday) around 4 PM and as usual my social agenda on that day was filled with meetings, brunches and parties. I decided I had to see him anyway. He was a very nice person and he came to see me while I was in pain at the emergency. So I squeezed him into my busy day. We met up for a coffee before 10 AM on a Saturday morning. We went to the modest coffee shop a few steps away from my house. It was a sunny and fresh morning filled with the smell of caffeine. At some point, he took a book from his backpack and showed it to me. It was a guidebook of the city we were in. He said he would no longer need it as he was leaving and he asked me whether I wanted it. The main idea of that book was to show tourists how to enjoy that very expensive city without making them spend too much. One of the first pages said 'The best things in life are free'. 'I love it!' I exclaimed in ecstasy. It had been a while since I heard last time. I said I could only accept the book if he dedicated it to me. For a second, I felt bad to have said that because my vain request seemed to have confused him. He try to get away without writing anything by saying I would have no space in my luggage to take the book with me but I replied that I could always tear out the page with his dedication. And so did his struggle to write a dedication begin. After a few minutes of silence, he handed the book over to me. The page he had chosen to write the dedication was the one with 'The best things in life are free'. He wrote that meeting me had been the best proof of that saying and the the book was useless as there was no guidance as how to encounter people like me. But I only read that a few days later as I wanted to postpone the pleasure of discovering his message for as long as I could. After giving me the guidebook he took a very old-fashioned Polaroid out of his bag and decided to take a picture of me. As I later realized he only had a few Polaroid negatives as they are quite hard to get for his camera and thus expensive. Had I known that before the shot I would have done everything to have a perfect smile and hair-style. But the photo was nice anyway, especially when he wrote the date, the name of the city and my name on it. He offered it to me even though it was still being developed. I had another souvenir of that exquisite Saturday morning. After a few minutes we both had to leave. I had to proceed to the next point of my social agenda. We left and hugged each other goodbye as we had done less than 12 hours before.

I was really enchanted by that amazing moments that I manage to attract into my life. Another thing is that this encounter was totally deprived of any talks on sex, dating or relationships. Needless to add, there seemed to be no sexual tension between us either. I guess we are both quite handsome and good-looking but yet nothing sparked. And thanks God for that! I do not need another date, boyfriend or fuck buddy. A friend will be much better. Because friendship are far more likely to last longer.

Everyone has to do Asia

My South-East Asian encounter was a totally new experience for me. A nice date, great dinner, total blissfulness in a park, great sex. All of that with someone much younger, much slimmer and Asian. I could not believe what I was living. I was breaking all of my patterns. But it felt amazing. It felt rejuvenating. It was very fresh. I immediately had to tell everything to my friends. I gave them a detailed report of the whole weekend. I added that I could not understand how it was possible for me to break my pattern and start dating an Asian. I have many Asian friends but I was never attracted to Asian men. One of them said 'Oh dear! There you go. Welcome to Asia! Every guy, no matter if straight or gay, has a crush on Asian men or women. It just has to happen at some point. It is inevitable. I have been there. It has happened to me. It is not that strong anymore though. I guess I am done. But you should enjoy it!' I realized it was the beginning of an Asian season. Felt like a rainy season. A wet season of monsoons.

I also remember the conversation with my good Asian friend over a dinner: 'I have to tell you something.' I said. 'I hooked up with someone. He is...' I was not ready to finish the sentence yet. 'I don't know what's going on with me! I wasn't expecting that to happen to me at all' I was exclaiming. The impatience on my friend's face was mounting and I could see that he was waiting for me to finally confess my secret. There was a little hint of confusion on his face. I decided to be a man and break the news. 'Ok, I am just going to say it to you...' Last moment of hesitation elapsed. 'I hooked up with an Asian guy, he is very slim and 4 years younger. I don't know what happened to me?! I thought I wasn't interested in Asians.' He did not say anything at first but then simply burst out laughing at me. It was funny but I did feel a little bit embarrassed.

So yes, I was in Asia. Another continent I have discovered. And to be honest, I was enjoying that new exploration. Two days after our memorable night of listening to Tchaikovsky, we decided to go to a cinema. I am in my late twenties now but somehow I realized that it would be my first date in a cinema. I confessed that observation to a friend while being filled with fresh joy and excitement, promising that there would be some kissing and making out in the cinema just as if I was a teenager. I thought I deserved that since I had never experienced that before. We went to see the movie. Then, we had a dinner a few days later. We also had one more dinner followed by spending night at his place. One Saturday night, we went out the gay neighborhood with some friends of mine and we had a lot of fun too.

It was a very pleasant, drama-free and joyful dating. I have to admit that some feelings started developing in me but I guess I was aware that nothing could evolve of that relationship. I was going to leave the Southern Hemisphere less than a month later and I had no intention in changing my plans. I noticed that he had started having some feelings for me too. Surprisingly to myself, I would always say to him 'Let's not think about the future and the fact that I will be leaving in a few weeks. Let's just enjoy the presence and the time we spend together now.' He would always agree with me.

But the drama caught up with us after almost 2 weeks of blissful dating. First, he cancelled one of our evenings. I was going to meet up with him for a dinner and then we were to spend a night at his place. He texted me in the evening, just before our meeting saying that a friend of his had called him and asked to join them for a volleyball game. My date was a regular player so he would not miss such an opportunity. I was a bit disappointed but I quickly made some other plans for that night and spent a very nice evening with someone else. Just a dinner to be exact in case you are curious.

There was another drama situation 2 days later. It was my farewell party (around 2 weeks before my scheduled departure) and my date was my plus one. After the party, we were supposed to go to his place and spend a night together. We left the place around midnight and I could see that something was wrong. It turned out that his friend had sent him a message asking him to host him for a few days because he had had a fight with his room mate. The friend was already in my date's bed and my date was quite confused. He didn't seem to want to refuse that request. I asked whether his unexpected guest could sleep on the floor. It wasn't an option - no mattresses. 'Maybe he could spend a night on the couch in the living room' I suggested. It was not an option either - his flat mate would be bothered in the morning in case he wanted to do something in his own living room. 'Well, we can always go to my place!' I gave another option. But that did not seem as a good idea to him either. 'Your bed is too small!' I was tired of all that. 'Well, I can go to my place and you can go to yours. That's totally fine.' I suggested. 'I don't want to upset you and I don't know what to do!' His behavior and indecisiveness did upset me. I was annoyed and pissed off. 'Listen!' I started 'We are not a couple. You can meet up with your friends whenever you want. You can have sex with whomever you want. We're just having fun. No strings attached. But if we make plans I'd appreciate if we could stick to them.' He did not seem to be angry but rather sad about the whole situation. He felt I was right and maybe that is why he decided to finally go to my place. Eventually, I don't think it was a good idea. He seemed unhappy or stressed. It was after midnight and we fell asleep immediately. No sex and hardly any kissing. He was not comfortable. What was even more disturbing was that he left my place on a Sunday morning at around 7 AM. I was too sleepy to get upset and I just cursed him in my mind and went back to sleeping. I wasn't thinking about him too much on that day.

The next day, I received a text message asking how I was doing and also mentioning that he felt very messy in his head on that day. In the sms's that followed, I learned that he liked me a lot but he figured out enigmatically that friendship would be more strong and long-lasting than any other kind of relations between us. I agreed and again, I did not give it a lot of thought at that time.

On the following day, I started analyzing the whole situation and I figured it would be wiser to discuss it with him over a dinner. I sent him a message asking him out on that night. A few minutes later, I received a seemingly vague response with a very clear message between the lines. I read 'Sorry. I am playing with my buddies. I will see you some time soon when I am free.' Well, I know that line. I used that line. I wrote that line! I immediately understood that this guy was just not that into me anymore. I decided not to react in a dramatic way and I replied something calm - 'Yes, sure. Have fun tonight and see you soon.' But then I decided to release my anger on Facebook and post some enigmatic update where between lines I bashed myself for damaging the relationship with myself by cheating on myself with someone else. I published that in French so that my ex-Asian date could not understand. But I under-estimated him. He realized that something was wrong and that it related to him. He quickly initiated a Skype conversation to clear the mist between us. He did not blame me for anything that had happened between us. The drama of preceding Saturday night did not contribute either. After a few moments of hesitation (the same kind of hesitation I performed while announcing to my Asian friend that I was dating an Asian person), he finally confessed that he felt very attracted to my personality but he did not fancy me physically. Well, I never wrote that line. Neither did I hear or read it! It was new to me. He confirmed it did not happen because of sex between us or because of anything that could be attributable to me doing something wrong or neglecting to do it. 'I am just attracted to guys like my European ex. I think I am still in his shadow.' I was quite puzzled and speechless at the same time. I was not quite sure what to say. I thought that maybe his excuse was a lie and maybe he got scared when he realized that he had started having some serious feelings for me. After analyzing that self-indulgent thought I said to myself there was no point in figuring out why our short-lived dating period was over. We decided to remain friends and keep in touch. After all, he was a nice, smart and good guy.

My trip to Asia was over. But as after any exciting voyage, I had a great souvenir - my memories.

I had a fling

The first post-relationship sexdate left me traumatized and prevented me from wanting to meet anyone. That lasted a week. I had quite a few offers to meet up for a coffee or another sexdate but I did not feel like accepting any of those invitations. That was until I started chatting with this young South-East Asian boy. He seemed quite simple, nice and easy-going. He initiated our conversations and he kept sending me his messages. Two or three days after the first exchange of emails, he suggested meeting up for a coffee. I did not object and thought there could be nothing harmless about a cup of coffee with a nice boy. We set the date for the following day.

On the day of the 'date', I woke up quite late after a night out with my friends and a lot of different drinks still mixed in my stomach. My head was not in a good shape. I crawled out of bed, went to the bathroom, showered and started dressing up. It was a lovely and sunny, August winter day in the Southern Hemisphere. I left my house and started walking towards the place of our coffee/date. I met him on the way, around a famous spot in that neighborhood. We started talking and walking together. He was slim, he was Asian and he was four years younger - three features that I had never found attractive. I, however, decided to be more open-minded and think outside the box. 'Maybe it was time to be less judgmental and change some patterns of mine' I said to myself. I found the date quite enjoyable. We had a great brunch and I realized that this young boy seemed to have a great sense of humor and intelligence at the same time - a mix I easily fall for. We finished the brunch and decided to go for a walk. The neighborhood and its architecture were gorgeous and so was the weather. Spontaneously, we thought of going to the nearby park. It is quite a big park on the east edge of the City and as most of the city parks, I found it magnificent. It was an early afternoon of a sunny day. We ended up lying on the lawn like a pair of lazy cats. It was blissful and relaxing. Suddenly, I felt his hand dangerously close to my body. After that, he started kissing me. I did not say anything. I do not stop that. I just reciprocated his kisses. He stopped and then we continued to talk. After that I received a few more kisses again. It was quite an adorable and cute scene - two guys lying lazily on the lawn of a park surrounded by the city jungle while innocently making out and kissing. I can only say that it felt better than it looked. After some time of that blissful innocence, we got up and decided to get some ice-creams. We got them at the local equivalent of Mc Donald's which was even cuter - that is the whole situation was cute, not the equivalent of Mc Donald's. We walked while consuming ice-creams for about 20 minutes and then I headed back home. It was the cutest date I had ever had in my life.

We also met up on the next day - Sunday. We had a dinner at a sushi restaurant. He recommended the place and while we were sitting at the table and I said something about how good it would be to have a bottle of red wine he immediately stood up and headed to the nearest bottle shop to fulfill my vain desire. I was positively shocked by how attentive my young date was. But there was more to be revealed during that soirée. As usual, there was a lot of discussions about life, love, happiness, relationships (including the one with oneself) - the common philosophical stuff that goes through my head on daily basis (probably too often and too much but I guess I have already accepted my brain and mind for what they are and I no longer want to change them so badly). And to my surprise, the 23-year old boy from South-East Asia had extremely deep thoughts and profound reflections. I had no doubts regarding the height of his IQ - it's a bit of a cliché but Asian students are said to be quite smart. As my [Asian] friend put it - Asian parents know how to make their children smart in school but they do not always know how to make them socially smart. I saw a lot of examples of that but my South-East Asian date did not follow that pattern at all. His IQ was as high as his social skills which came as a huge surprise to me. Of course that meant troubles as well. I found him cute despite him being very slim and very young. It all did not matter whatsoever. He had already charmed me with his intelligence, life wisdom and good manners. I was caught. I was stuck in a trap of attraction. Those of you who usually fall for people's mind, intellect and personality will be able to understand me. I am one of you. I felt attracted to his personality. His brain seduced me. So no wonder that when he innocently asked me whether I would show him my place, I immediately agreed. We paid the bill and we left the place - actually I did pay it. You see... not only did I fall for the guy but I also spent money on him. This only shows how dangerous interesting guys can be to me. And to my wallet. So we headed towards my place. On the way, we passed that travel agency offering a hire or even a purchase of traveling vans with a convertible kitchen, bedroom, dining room and God knows what else inside. I shuddered at the idea of experiencing a journey in such a vehicle and my date only shouted 'Oh my God, I hate these too!' I loved him even more for that little example of mutual hatred against backpackers and traveling vans. A few minutes later, we shared a cigarette. He admitted he was not a chain smoker and he did not want to become one but he enjoyed a cigarette every now and then. 'You are a social smoker! Just like me!' I exclaimed in ecstasy. He smiled having realized we had another thing in common. Once the cigarette ritual was completed, we walked towards my house. It was quite close from there and a little while later we were at my door. Slowly and quietly, in order not to create unnecessary attention coming from my flatmates, we entered the house and gently made our way to my room. I offered him something to drink and played some nice music. Unsurprisingly, we started kissing and making out. Some time later, I insisted on not going any further as I thought it was all unfolding too fast. He nodded and carried on kissing me. Of course, it was too late to stop anything and my stupid request to do so was totally useless and ineffective. I should have known better. That ship had already sailed. I decided to turn the volume up to prevent my flatmates from hearing anything and possibly telling on me to our peace-loving landlady. Somehow, I also changed the song and strangely picked 'Swan Lake' by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. I usually listen to that piece when I study so it was the first time that I was about to have sex with this South-East Asian boy accompanied by a bunch of swans and Tchaikovsky. We illustrated that piece perfectly! We finished right at the end of Act 1, Part 1 when all the music along with the orchestra was culminating in their climax. Needless to add, so were we. We lied on the bed for some time and then he was going to leave but I stopped him and managed to convince to stay over night at my place. He did and it was indeed nice to have a cute boy in my bed all night long. We also continued to listen to Tchaikovsky. And illustrate his music too.

That was a very cute, sweet and nice beginning of a charming but short-lived fling. It was a much more sophisticated and efficient rebound than the tragic one-night-stand of the preceding weekend. No head-fuck on the next day either. Just a pure pleasure and that light feeling in the heart... and in my head. So I guess we cannot totally rule rebounds out. They aren't only good or only bad. They aren't black or white only. Just do not do them for pure physical pleasure only when your life and prior experience provide you with strong evidence that you might not be at your best after you perform it. Just listen to your intuition. Most of times, it will tell you what to do.