June nights are hot!

My life has been like a roller coaster recently. A bit of bitterness and a bit of sugar. I don't think it has ever been so dynamic over such a small period of time.

Within one short month, I lost one job (that I hated) got a new one (highly likely to be much more interesting), lost James as my boyfriend and moved back to Northern Africa. I still cannot believe in all of that happening so rapidly.

It was the month of June. The hot month of June. And it had a very surprising ending.

Before James broke up with me he had booked tickets to come over to Europe and see me. He planned it for the last weekend of June. After breaking up, we both decided (not right away but after some time) that we would not cancel that visit. He wanted to come and I wanted to see him. Despite the fact that it is generally thought that such meetings shortly after breaking off a relationship are not healthy and reasonable. But who says we were reasonable?

But some new facts had to be taken into consideration. They shadowed the trip.

It was just a few days before that last weekend that I was finally accepted for my new job in Northern Africa. And my new boss told me the trainings would start on the following Monday. Meaning I had to be there on Sunday. James was to arrive on Saturday morning and leave on Tuesday which was initially to give us three full days and four nights together. After my plans had changed it was only one day and not even a full night together as I had to leave home around 3h30 AM in order to catch the Sunday morning flight.

James was not happy about that but what could he say? It was because of the break-up that my future totally changed. And because of him that I went to Northern Africa again, instead of European-Asian city where he lives.

He arrived on Saturday, in the morning. I only was not frightened to receive him because I was sleeping after a long night of packing and meeting up with the Dutch guy prior to packing. The door bell rang, woke me up and I rushed upstairs to open the door. Within the next ten minutes we were kissing and making out in the bed. The 'don't have sex with your ex' rule sounds only good in theory. But it was not put into practise. Not exercising the rule on that Saturday morning was one of my most mind-blowing experiences in the past few months. It was so good to be in his arms... We spent the rest of the day out in the city and later with some friends of mine. A few of them got to meet my ex-boyfriend - a person they had heard of a lot in the past few months. And they were just introduced to him when he became my ex...

I was a bit worried about him staying alone in my emptied room but on the other hand I felt it would be a nice punishment for him for all I had to go through because of our break-up. He was indeed sad. The situation got even complicated when he had to cheer up and support my good friend when her boyfriend broke up with her. She promised James to hang out with him when I was already gone and it was on the same day that her boyfriend broke up with her. To make it more interesting it was the same friend who was with me when James broke up with me. And exactly four weeks later it was his role to be with her.

And the last dramatic/romantic/cheesy/meaningful aspect was the fact that our relationship sort of ended the same way it started. Exactly one year earlier, I was leaving Northern Africa for Europe, just having commenced the relation with James. Getting on a train, saying goodbye, leaving him, the place where I had lived for the last year and not being sure how it all would evolve. A year later, I was again leaving Europe, just having ended the relation with James. Getting on a taxi, saying goodbye, leaving him, the place where I had lived for the last year and not being sure how it all would evolve.

But that time it was much better. Because I was returning to Northern Africa.

And nothing is better than that.

falling into you

Life is full of surprises, isn't it? I think we all know that. Sometimes we are just stunned by the way some of our relations with different people evolve. I was subjected to that just recently. The Dutch guy I was seeing for several weeks, having been a cold and unavailable but honest person turned out to be in love with me but then totally cut our contact knowing that I was not available anymore. But from the beginning...

I met him exactly one week after James and I broke up. I just had to meet someone new in order to distract myself from the post-break-up pain. I knew it would help only in short-term but I was looking for anything that would let me not think about James for at least a second. So I went to the gay neighborhood and was lucky to meet someone right away. He was a thirty-seven year old Dutch guy. We went to his place and I stayed over night there. We met up a few times. Most of the times it was me insisting on meeting up. I was not too pushy but the initiative was always on my side. Having heard from him he was not a relationship person and he had never had a serious relations I stopped counting on anything serious. I just wanted to enjoy the moment with him and have fun when being together. I especially wanted to keep being distracted. So at some point I did not actually care that he was not that into me. I just wished to have him once/twice per week. And so it was happening.

Then my last week in Europe came. And my last weekend when I was expecting James to come over to see me as he had booked the tickets before breaking up and we had both decided to see each other again. The Dutch guy started suddenly insisting on meeting up for the last time. I was happy to see him before leaving Europe for good (and my departure is another story for another post). He texted me on the day when we were supposed to see each other. If he had not done it I would have probably forgotten about planning to meet up with him. I went to see him. It was as usual full of nice, funny, interesting and witty conversations. Then we went to his place. That time he was much more into me than anytime in the past. And I did not want to stay over at his place. Not because of him. James was coming in the morning and I wanted to sleep in my apartment. It took me more than one hour to finally be strong enough to leave his place. But I finally made it and after lying in the bed together and kissing on the sofa I departed.

After a few days, I left the country and moved back to the Northern Africa where it all started two years ago (and the moving back is also a topic for another post). On my first day, I already got an email from the Dutch guy. Whenever I replied his response was in my email box within the next few hours. He was excited about the possibility of going down to Africa to see me. And I told him I was supposed to fly back to Europe to the city where we met (I had a long lay over there, on the way to some other place). We did not manage to see each other eventually.

And today I chatted with him on Facebook. I was shocked by what he had confessed me. It turns out he started developing some feelings for me. Him - a guy in his late thirties who apparently had never been in a serious relationship and was not planning to be in any. Apparently, he fell for me because (quotation) 'he found me intelligent, innocent, cute. He was impressed by my international lifestyle and love for the country in Northern Africa'. He also added he had never felt that way about anyone and he had some undefined and unexplainable feelings for me. Given the fact that I am probably getting involved in something new here (to be explained in another post), he seemed to be hurt (although never said that explicitly) and he did not even want to stay in touch. The last thing he said was: 'you are nice, sweet and... not here. goodbye'. He said he would never like to be back in touch. He would not forget me easily. So according to him it was better to cut our communication.

It was a nice, intriguing and the most mysterious story that ever happened to me. He definitely helped me cope with the break-up and losing job in Europe. He appeared in a very strange period of my life. He was a good part of it. And the most incredible aspect was that from a cold and uninterested guy he changed to someone who fell for me strongly and deeply. It means that you never know how one's feelings for you can modify over a short period of time. They can just change drastically. And it is just as exciting as it is frightening.