So, I did it again. It was fun. The guy is cute and sweet. He has the same name as me and the same nationality. It's kind of weird to have sex back in your native language. I'm so not used to it anymore.
We us skype, cams and microphone. I think it's my "first time" with camera and mic at the same time. I usually only use cam without mic. But it was cool this time. The guy is really hot and I wish we had real sex... Afterwards, we just have some conversations about everything which is cool as well. You can talk, relax, chill out and spend time with a nice person (although I only see him on the screen). I think he has a small crush on me. He's so sweet.
He's leaving my country soon for another one in Europe. He even might come over here where I live right now. That would be interesting! We'll see how it evolves.
Updates guaranteed (sooner or later) as always.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
life is a movie (sequel)
You remember the unbelievable story with the guy met on the street with whom I had the 45-minute romance straight after (Mr. Charm)? This story has just been repeated again. A very similar movie set. Me, a guy, a street, a car, a conversation, a car ride... This time the ending was different though (and the car was better too). Because I was not rushed by anything...
From the beginning - I was pissed off by A. and was not in a mood at all. Luckily, my flat mates were just about to go out for a dinner and I joined them. When entering the restaurant I got a call from one of my friends that I actually rarely meet. He invited me for some party. It was something I really needed so with no hesitation I agreed. Having finished the earlier promised dinner with my friends I went for the meeting. I was first at our meeting point so I was patiently waiting. After almost 30 minutes of waiting some guy started talking to me "good evening, how are you?" etc. I kindly replied. It's not bizarre here at all. I walked away and then walked back as I was wandering without destination. We started talking again. "Where are you from? What do you do here? Who are you waiting for?" etc. Being much more open here (it must be the cultural influence) I asked if I could use his mobile for calling my friend (mine had no credits). He agreed but he said he wanted to do it in his car. I got into the car and tried to call my friend twice with no result. Then he told me he would drive me back home if I wanted (I told him that my friend probably had wound me up). We drove away but instead driving back home we were driving around the city. We had nice conversations and he was a bit mysterious. I became sure he was gay when he put his hand on my knee. I didn't object. Then our hands were closer and closer. We ended up at his place doing you can imagine what. It was great. I think he was really into me not only sexually because he was talking a lot and trying to establish the connection (I think he succeeded). It was a chance for me to practice my language skills as he barely spoke English. Probably there will be next sequel.
Life is a movie!
From the beginning - I was pissed off by A. and was not in a mood at all. Luckily, my flat mates were just about to go out for a dinner and I joined them. When entering the restaurant I got a call from one of my friends that I actually rarely meet. He invited me for some party. It was something I really needed so with no hesitation I agreed. Having finished the earlier promised dinner with my friends I went for the meeting. I was first at our meeting point so I was patiently waiting. After almost 30 minutes of waiting some guy started talking to me "good evening, how are you?" etc. I kindly replied. It's not bizarre here at all. I walked away and then walked back as I was wandering without destination. We started talking again. "Where are you from? What do you do here? Who are you waiting for?" etc. Being much more open here (it must be the cultural influence) I asked if I could use his mobile for calling my friend (mine had no credits). He agreed but he said he wanted to do it in his car. I got into the car and tried to call my friend twice with no result. Then he told me he would drive me back home if I wanted (I told him that my friend probably had wound me up). We drove away but instead driving back home we were driving around the city. We had nice conversations and he was a bit mysterious. I became sure he was gay when he put his hand on my knee. I didn't object. Then our hands were closer and closer. We ended up at his place doing you can imagine what. It was great. I think he was really into me not only sexually because he was talking a lot and trying to establish the connection (I think he succeeded). It was a chance for me to practice my language skills as he barely spoke English. Probably there will be next sequel.
Life is a movie!
I won't go with the flow
Sorry for not updating you for a while (too long while!).
So as I said in the previous post, I managed to reactivate my relationship. After the weekend conference 2 weeks ago I went to A.'s city to meet him. Instead of promised shoes I got a nice shirt and spent great time with him. Then after a short discussion and making sure that he didn't want to have a baby and a wife (without changing his opinion - he had already convinced himself about that) we got back together. Afterwards, I came back home with a weird feeling that not much changed in my life... I ignored that feeling.
He came over my place the following Wednesday around 8 PM. It was weird although we didn't mention any difficult topic. We actually didn't speak a lot. We were both not in the mood and both tired. We had sex and then we both fell asleep together...
I was in a very weird (bad) mood the day after... Then I traveled to Europe for a weekend and didn't think about anything a lot. I enjoyed my time. I sent him one message and bought him nice underwear. Last Tuesday he called me on my way home from the airport. We had a weird conversation. He had bad days at work and was not in a mood at all. He wasn't willing to travel with me the following weekend or to see each other. I didn't insist because I knew it wouldn't help. I was not in the mood again - straight away after great weekend in Europe. I was not in mood to call him or meet him. Then last Saturday, I called him to find out what he was up to (a call after 4 days of silence). He told me he had had a small car accident and he would have to pay some money for the car reparation and except that everything was fine. Maybe, I should have been more sympathetic but I got pissed off. He even didn't tell me about the accident. He didn't ask me (even before the accident) about me and my interviews of which he had known. grrrr... He doesn't care about us at all. As if I was his friend whom he contacts once a week or something. I talked to him today on the MSN I further got pissed off. He didn't want to speak about his problems (hmm.. his choice - I can accept that), then he started our stupid jokes which didn't make me laugh that time. Then I asked about possibility of seeing each other soon. Exactly as I expected I heard "I don't know" and later "it's for sure impossible this week". I know that he has problems but I see no will of trying to contribute to this relationship. If I were him I would at least try to say I want to see each other but I can't. He doesn't seem interested... Then I told him what I feel. I wrote "I just have the feeling that I don't have a big importance in your life. I know that you have problems but I would like you to share it with me". His answer was "please, stop". I was so pissed off that I didn't say anything but just calmly finished his conversation.
What the fuck am I doing in this relationship? Don't misunderstand me! I am not depressed but just extremely angry that I was so stupid to get involved in that for the second time. I feel trapped. This relationship doesn't lead me to anywhere. We're just friends who fuck whenever we meet. When he told me about the baby and wife and I asked how he imagined the relation with his ex (after abandoning his gay partner for his wife) he just told me that he would rather see it as a strong male friendship. Fuck! Can you imagine dumping your life partner and then going to strong male friendship with him (and probably still having sex!!!)? In this case being friends after a relationship is only disgusting for me. I hope I'll have enough strength to break up as soon as we talk next time.
Again, all these baby/wife stuff and strong male friendship just freaks me out! I think I can't just live in the shade of what he had said a few months ago... Normally, you are afraid of many things in a gay relationship. In this case I am afraid of one additional thing - conversion to being hetero. That's just too much. And I think I just can't follow my friends' pieces of adivice to go with the flow and live the day. It's like being in a half serious relationship. I don't need to know the future. I need to know that he cares about the future.
Again - fed up with relationships...
So as I said in the previous post, I managed to reactivate my relationship. After the weekend conference 2 weeks ago I went to A.'s city to meet him. Instead of promised shoes I got a nice shirt and spent great time with him. Then after a short discussion and making sure that he didn't want to have a baby and a wife (without changing his opinion - he had already convinced himself about that) we got back together. Afterwards, I came back home with a weird feeling that not much changed in my life... I ignored that feeling.
He came over my place the following Wednesday around 8 PM. It was weird although we didn't mention any difficult topic. We actually didn't speak a lot. We were both not in the mood and both tired. We had sex and then we both fell asleep together...
I was in a very weird (bad) mood the day after... Then I traveled to Europe for a weekend and didn't think about anything a lot. I enjoyed my time. I sent him one message and bought him nice underwear. Last Tuesday he called me on my way home from the airport. We had a weird conversation. He had bad days at work and was not in a mood at all. He wasn't willing to travel with me the following weekend or to see each other. I didn't insist because I knew it wouldn't help. I was not in the mood again - straight away after great weekend in Europe. I was not in mood to call him or meet him. Then last Saturday, I called him to find out what he was up to (a call after 4 days of silence). He told me he had had a small car accident and he would have to pay some money for the car reparation and except that everything was fine. Maybe, I should have been more sympathetic but I got pissed off. He even didn't tell me about the accident. He didn't ask me (even before the accident) about me and my interviews of which he had known. grrrr... He doesn't care about us at all. As if I was his friend whom he contacts once a week or something. I talked to him today on the MSN I further got pissed off. He didn't want to speak about his problems (hmm.. his choice - I can accept that), then he started our stupid jokes which didn't make me laugh that time. Then I asked about possibility of seeing each other soon. Exactly as I expected I heard "I don't know" and later "it's for sure impossible this week". I know that he has problems but I see no will of trying to contribute to this relationship. If I were him I would at least try to say I want to see each other but I can't. He doesn't seem interested... Then I told him what I feel. I wrote "I just have the feeling that I don't have a big importance in your life. I know that you have problems but I would like you to share it with me". His answer was "please, stop". I was so pissed off that I didn't say anything but just calmly finished his conversation.
What the fuck am I doing in this relationship? Don't misunderstand me! I am not depressed but just extremely angry that I was so stupid to get involved in that for the second time. I feel trapped. This relationship doesn't lead me to anywhere. We're just friends who fuck whenever we meet. When he told me about the baby and wife and I asked how he imagined the relation with his ex (after abandoning his gay partner for his wife) he just told me that he would rather see it as a strong male friendship. Fuck! Can you imagine dumping your life partner and then going to strong male friendship with him (and probably still having sex!!!)? In this case being friends after a relationship is only disgusting for me. I hope I'll have enough strength to break up as soon as we talk next time.
Again, all these baby/wife stuff and strong male friendship just freaks me out! I think I can't just live in the shade of what he had said a few months ago... Normally, you are afraid of many things in a gay relationship. In this case I am afraid of one additional thing - conversion to being hetero. That's just too much. And I think I just can't follow my friends' pieces of adivice to go with the flow and live the day. It's like being in a half serious relationship. I don't need to know the future. I need to know that he cares about the future.
Again - fed up with relationships...
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
updates – part two
My relationship life is getting more and more interesting after weeks of drought.
Update #1 – Mr. Charm pisses me off more and more. I guess this is end of our relationship (which actually never started). I had this MSN conversation with him a few days ago:
10:48:31 PM Mr. Charm: hello
10:48:39 PM Mr. Charm: hello
10:48:43 PM me: it's been a while
10:49:12 PM Mr. Charm: yes
10:49:26 PM Mr. Charm: i'm at home with my paraents
10:49:26 PM Mr. Charm: you?
10:50:11 PM me: i'm at my new home :)
10:50:13 PM me: by the ocean
11:16:48 PM me: i see u r busy
11:16:52 PM me: talk to u other time
What is the conclusion of the conversation? The fucking thing is that he appeared only to say things like “hi”, “how are you?” and then not reply for my questions although still being on line and eventually disconnect. God!!!! I know that some people are just not good at maintaining an MSN conversation (although very good at face to face conversations) but for heaven’s sake! If he doesn’t have time to chat with me, if he is distracted by something, why the hell he starts talking to me?? It pisses me off so much. I decided not to begin any conversation myself. I saw him many times available, I got connected and didn’t start talking. Neither did he which is better of course since most of the conversations were really crappy. He also canceled his plan to see me next weekend in one of the capital of southern Europe but in return he promised coming over here. For now, I didn’t hear about any details of his alleged visit which probably means that will never happen. I really don’t give a shit right now. I don’t need him. I don’t care mainly because of update #2.
Update #2 – after all these random stories that had given me some sexual pleasures and enlarged the list of the nationalities with whom I had slept I think I started appreciating A. (my ex whom I dated last November and December and broke up because of some “cultural differences”). After break-up we decided to be friends but our relation was something more than a friendship but not a relationship (Facebook has a perfect name for that – “it’s complicated”). Our relation is however really amazing. Once he called and I started complaining that I didn’t know which way I should take in my professional life and he sacrificed 45 minutes to professionally advise me on my future. I can have as well a serious as a stupid conversation with him and I truly enjoy both of them. Around 3 weeks ago he flew to Europe for some trainings and vacation. He called me a few times before (including from the airport) to say goodbye and underline that he would like to see an email from time to time from me in his mailbox. Once, he seemed to be crying or at least very sad and nostalgic when saying that. He called me once from abroad and said that he had bought me shoes as a gift :) I couldn’t believe. It was so sweet. Last Thursday he came back and called me directly from the airport. I was so excited to hear him and as usually (when we were together) started thinking of a meeting. He only calmed me down saying he had just arrived and first he would like to have a rest and see his family.
Anyway, I started seriously thinking of getting back together. Except the one cultural difference he is perfect. He is a very healthy person, extremely good and helpful, thinking of his professional and personal life. When it comes to that cultural difference I will try to further investigate it and make sure if I can change him. I know that he is very into me. So, I’m more and more excited and thrilled to see him.
Maybe soon, my FB status will go from “it’s complicated” to “in a relationship” – inchallah!
Update #1 – Mr. Charm pisses me off more and more. I guess this is end of our relationship (which actually never started). I had this MSN conversation with him a few days ago:
10:48:31 PM Mr. Charm: hello
10:48:39 PM Mr. Charm: hello
10:48:43 PM me: it's been a while
10:49:12 PM Mr. Charm: yes
10:49:26 PM Mr. Charm: i'm at home with my paraents
10:49:26 PM Mr. Charm: you?
10:50:11 PM me: i'm at my new home :)
10:50:13 PM me: by the ocean
11:16:48 PM me: i see u r busy
11:16:52 PM me: talk to u other time
What is the conclusion of the conversation? The fucking thing is that he appeared only to say things like “hi”, “how are you?” and then not reply for my questions although still being on line and eventually disconnect. God!!!! I know that some people are just not good at maintaining an MSN conversation (although very good at face to face conversations) but for heaven’s sake! If he doesn’t have time to chat with me, if he is distracted by something, why the hell he starts talking to me?? It pisses me off so much. I decided not to begin any conversation myself. I saw him many times available, I got connected and didn’t start talking. Neither did he which is better of course since most of the conversations were really crappy. He also canceled his plan to see me next weekend in one of the capital of southern Europe but in return he promised coming over here. For now, I didn’t hear about any details of his alleged visit which probably means that will never happen. I really don’t give a shit right now. I don’t need him. I don’t care mainly because of update #2.
Update #2 – after all these random stories that had given me some sexual pleasures and enlarged the list of the nationalities with whom I had slept I think I started appreciating A. (my ex whom I dated last November and December and broke up because of some “cultural differences”). After break-up we decided to be friends but our relation was something more than a friendship but not a relationship (Facebook has a perfect name for that – “it’s complicated”). Our relation is however really amazing. Once he called and I started complaining that I didn’t know which way I should take in my professional life and he sacrificed 45 minutes to professionally advise me on my future. I can have as well a serious as a stupid conversation with him and I truly enjoy both of them. Around 3 weeks ago he flew to Europe for some trainings and vacation. He called me a few times before (including from the airport) to say goodbye and underline that he would like to see an email from time to time from me in his mailbox. Once, he seemed to be crying or at least very sad and nostalgic when saying that. He called me once from abroad and said that he had bought me shoes as a gift :) I couldn’t believe. It was so sweet. Last Thursday he came back and called me directly from the airport. I was so excited to hear him and as usually (when we were together) started thinking of a meeting. He only calmed me down saying he had just arrived and first he would like to have a rest and see his family.
Anyway, I started seriously thinking of getting back together. Except the one cultural difference he is perfect. He is a very healthy person, extremely good and helpful, thinking of his professional and personal life. When it comes to that cultural difference I will try to further investigate it and make sure if I can change him. I know that he is very into me. So, I’m more and more excited and thrilled to see him.
Maybe soon, my FB status will go from “it’s complicated” to “in a relationship” – inchallah!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
when your sexual fantasies come true
I have to admit that I am extremely into muscled, huge guys and military / police suits. This has to mean that I enjoy very masculine gays. I usually like the sweeties and cuties too but they do not turn me on as much as the real men.
So a few weeks ago (I should have blogged about it much earlier), I met this gorgeous gay. He was 30 (I was always into people older than me), was a soldier and had fabulous body. Very strong muscles, cute face and fabulous ass :) We got to know each other on line and I suggested having a coffee together in the downtown the same day. The only time when he could come was just 2 hours before the dinner with my friends that I had the same day. Considering that the dinner was not in the downtown and that local people are usually late (he was local and those friends were not) we did not have much time for the coffee together. When I saw him I was about to faint. Just fabulous. I pretended not feeling ok, being annoyed by the noisiness of the street and delicately suggested going to his place. And so we did. When we reached his charming apartment on the roof he turned on TV and gave me some Pepsi. I was thinking “what the fuck?? Does he think that I have come here to drink Pepsi and watch TV?!?!?” But in a while he turned out to be smart enough to turn off the TV (and light) and start kissing me. He took me to his bedroom where we had fabulous sex. Unfortunately, we couldn’t repeat it because I had to rush for the dinner. I couldn’t stop thinking of him (in a sexual way). The next day, he invited me to go to the beach with his two friends. We spent nice time, lying on the sand or walking along the crashing waves. We kissed in the car and then had a quick sex in the bathroom back in the city at his friend’s place.
I started thinking of having him as a fuck buddy and a friend for some entertainment. He was intelligent so not only sex was nice but conversations as well. However, the next day he proposed me having a threesome with one of his friends that I had already met. “Damn” I thought! I did not want him to be faithful but at least at the moment of having sex with him I did now intend to have a third person (and his friend was nice but not as cute as him). However, I agreed for the threesome. Unfortunately, he did not seem into me anymore :( I was trying to call him, send him a message but I only got some unclear replies. He kept maintaining that he liked me but he never had time for a meeting. Even for the threesome. Well… all good things come to an end! At least, I had a fabulous sex 2 times. That week, I was so horny (mainly because I couldn’t get him) that I had to call my other fuck buddy and it was then that the “what smells around” story happened. I guess I just didn’t mean to have any sex during that week…
So a few weeks ago (I should have blogged about it much earlier), I met this gorgeous gay. He was 30 (I was always into people older than me), was a soldier and had fabulous body. Very strong muscles, cute face and fabulous ass :) We got to know each other on line and I suggested having a coffee together in the downtown the same day. The only time when he could come was just 2 hours before the dinner with my friends that I had the same day. Considering that the dinner was not in the downtown and that local people are usually late (he was local and those friends were not) we did not have much time for the coffee together. When I saw him I was about to faint. Just fabulous. I pretended not feeling ok, being annoyed by the noisiness of the street and delicately suggested going to his place. And so we did. When we reached his charming apartment on the roof he turned on TV and gave me some Pepsi. I was thinking “what the fuck?? Does he think that I have come here to drink Pepsi and watch TV?!?!?” But in a while he turned out to be smart enough to turn off the TV (and light) and start kissing me. He took me to his bedroom where we had fabulous sex. Unfortunately, we couldn’t repeat it because I had to rush for the dinner. I couldn’t stop thinking of him (in a sexual way). The next day, he invited me to go to the beach with his two friends. We spent nice time, lying on the sand or walking along the crashing waves. We kissed in the car and then had a quick sex in the bathroom back in the city at his friend’s place.
I started thinking of having him as a fuck buddy and a friend for some entertainment. He was intelligent so not only sex was nice but conversations as well. However, the next day he proposed me having a threesome with one of his friends that I had already met. “Damn” I thought! I did not want him to be faithful but at least at the moment of having sex with him I did now intend to have a third person (and his friend was nice but not as cute as him). However, I agreed for the threesome. Unfortunately, he did not seem into me anymore :( I was trying to call him, send him a message but I only got some unclear replies. He kept maintaining that he liked me but he never had time for a meeting. Even for the threesome. Well… all good things come to an end! At least, I had a fabulous sex 2 times. That week, I was so horny (mainly because I couldn’t get him) that I had to call my other fuck buddy and it was then that the “what smells around” story happened. I guess I just didn’t mean to have any sex during that week…
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